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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The government should control the Internet to reduce cyber crime and ensure safety of users. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#government #control #internet #cyber #crime #safety #users
Technology
crime
 impacts everyone around the world so
governments
 have to protect their population from
this
 issue. I strongly agree that the government must prevent digital scams because of the capability of
technology
 and generation. Most
people
 use the
internet
 to support their lifestyle, but most of them do not have
professional
Correct article usage
the professional
show examples
 skills to fix problems from digital
crime
.
Although
 the
internet
 provides a lot of benefits, digital issues come from digital
technology
 too. The number of
scammers
 has been increasing rapidly
while
 ordinary
people
 do not have high skills to protect themselves from issues.
For example
, some Thai
people
 have stolen their
money
 from
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 bank accounts without accessing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any links or applications because of
high-skill
Correct article usage
the high-skill
show examples
technology
 of
crime
.
Thus
,
governments
 which are national organizations, have to fix problems
instead
 of individuals.
Moreover
, some generations face
scammers
 without any questions because they trust anything on the
internet
 easily, especially; the elder group.
This
 generation always clicks any link that looks like gives benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them.
However
, most links hide
scammers
 in the back of advantage websites or applications that look encouraging to older
people
.
This
 group followed the steps that
scammers
 provided on the screen and
then
 they lost their saving
money
.
This
 is a huge issue because some
people
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 all of their
money
.
For instance
, Thai older
people
 lost their
money
 in their bank accounts because they clicked a link on the Tic Tok application.
Governments
 can force the banks to develop their safety systems to prevent any crimes. In conclusion, I believe that
governments
 and some national organizations, which have many professionals in
technology
, have to protect their population from
internet
crime
 rather than leave individuals to face digital criminals by themselves.
Submitted by baby11mystar on

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introduction-conclusion-present
Try to craft a more compelling introduction and conclusion to give a strong starting and ending point to your essay. Round off your arguments clearly directed to the topic.
supported-main-points
Ensure that each main point is thoroughly supported and elaborated with detailed examples or explanations.
logical-structure
Work on linking sentences and paragraphs more smoothly for better flow and clarity. Use a variety of cohesive devices effectively.
relevant-specific-examples
Good use of relevant and specific examples, particularly from Thailand, to support your points.
clear-comprehensive-ideas
The main ideas are clear and relevant to the topic, demonstrating a strong understanding.
complete-response
The response addresses the task effectively, presenting a coherent argument for the government's involvement in internet safety.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cybercrime
  • regulations
  • monitoring
  • suspicious activities
  • internet safety
  • user trust
  • e-commerce
  • censorship
  • freedom of speech
  • access to information
  • over-regulation
  • innovation
  • tech industry
  • data protection
  • identity theft
  • financial fraud
  • technical limitations
  • digital landscape
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