The government should control the Internet to reduce cyber crime and ensure safety of users. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#government #control #internet #cyber #crime #safety #users

Technology

crime

impacts everyone around the world so

governments

have to protect their population from

this

issue. I strongly agree that the government must prevent digital scams because of the capability of

technology

and generation. Most

people

use the

internet

to support their lifestyle, but most of them do not have

professional

Correct article usage

the professional

show examples

skills to fix problems from digital

crime

Although

the

internet

provides a lot of benefits, digital issues come from digital

technology

too. The number of

scammers

has been increasing rapidly

while

ordinary

people

do not have high skills to protect themselves from issues.

For example

, some Thai

people

have stolen their

money

from

the

Change the word

their

show examples

bank accounts without accessing

Change preposition

apply

show examples

any links or applications because of

high-skill

Correct article usage

the high-skill

show examples

technology

crime

Thus

governments

which are national organizations, have to fix problems

instead

of individuals.

Moreover

, some generations face

scammers

without any questions because they trust anything on the

internet

easily, especially; the elder group.

This

generation always clicks any link that looks like gives benefits

for

Change preposition

show examples

them.

However

, most links hide

scammers

in the back of advantage websites or applications that look encouraging to older

people

This

group followed the steps that

scammers

provided on the screen and

then

they lost their saving

money

This

is a huge issue because some

people

lost

Wrong verb form

lose

show examples

all of their

money

For instance

, Thai older

people

lost their

money

in their bank accounts because they clicked a link on the Tic Tok application.

Governments

can force the banks to develop their safety systems to prevent any crimes. In conclusion, I believe that

governments

and some national organizations, which have many professionals in

technology

, have to protect their population from

internet

crime

rather than leave individuals to face digital criminals by themselves.

Submitted by baby11mystar on Thu May 30 2024

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Try to craft a more compelling introduction and conclusion to give a strong starting and ending point to your essay. Round off your arguments clearly directed to the topic.

supported-main-points

Ensure that each main point is thoroughly supported and elaborated with detailed examples or explanations.

logical-structure

Work on linking sentences and paragraphs more smoothly for better flow and clarity. Use a variety of cohesive devices effectively.

relevant-specific-examples

Good use of relevant and specific examples, particularly from Thailand, to support your points.

clear-comprehensive-ideas

The main ideas are clear and relevant to the topic, demonstrating a strong understanding.

complete-response

The response addresses the task effectively, presenting a coherent argument for the government's involvement in internet safety.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

287 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cybercrime
regulations
monitoring
suspicious activities
internet safety
user trust
e-commerce
censorship
freedom of speech
access to information
over-regulation
innovation
tech industry
data protection
identity theft
financial fraud
technical limitations
digital landscape

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The government should control the Internet to reduce cyber crime and ensure safety of users. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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