Some people think that advertisements are good for society whereas others oppose this view. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The advertising market is growing
dy
Correct your spelling
by
day by day. That situation
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a lot of discussions.
While
some
people
claim that
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
are good for
people
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
people
have opposing
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
. I strongly agree with the second part and in
this
essay, both views will be discussed and my own opinion will be stated. On the one hand,
advertisement
Add an article
the advertisement
an advertisement
show examples
may be beneficial for society because if there
aren’t
Correct subject-verb agreement
isn’t
show examples
advertising on the internet or on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
TV, can’t be sold several
product
Change to a plural noun
products
show examples
. The
products
which are new should be advertised because
people
want to see and learn
products
which they buy.
According to
research conducted, at
first,
people
see
products
which were they bought
then
they buy these outputs(64)
On the other hand
, advertising
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
not beneficial to
people
because they don’t reflect the truth.
Products
are
showed
Change the form of the verb
shown
show examples
under false colours.
The
Correct your spelling
They
show examples
showed
products
very
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
from real life.
The society
Correct article usage
Society
show examples
be
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
persuaded by
Add an article
the advertiser
an advertiser
show examples
advertiser
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisers
show examples
.
People
don’t
Verb problem
aren’t
show examples
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
pleased with
products
which
Correct pronoun usage
that they
show examples
see
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
advertisements.
For example
, most hamburger advertising
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
like
titanic
Capitalize word
Titanic
show examples
but
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
real hamburgers
very
Add a missing verb
are very
show examples
small and not delicious.(63) I hold the view that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
are not helpful to
people
because
people
are encouraged to do harmful things. Especially children are encouraged
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
colourful advertisements. There are a lot of poor
family
Change to a plural noun
families
show examples
and everyone can’t reach to these
products
.
According to
research conducted, children
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
inclined to junk food and fast food cause of
advertisings
Fix the agreement mistake
advertising
show examples
.
To sum up
,
advertisement
Correct article usage
the advertisement
show examples
market is an object at issue. There are
people
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
different
thought
Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
show examples
about that topic.
Submitted by svdnruslu on

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task achievement
The essay attempts to address both views and includes an introduction and conclusion, which is positive. However, there are several areas for improvement. Ensure your arguments are fully developed and supported with clear, specific examples. The essay should also address the prompt more directly in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on creating a more logical structure. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. Transitional phrases can help with this. Additionally, there were instances where sentences could be more connected and the arguments linked more clearly.
general
Focus on grammar and vocabulary accuracy. There were multiple grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that can be clarified. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of articles. Consider practicing with more IELTS-style model essays to better understand the expected structure and language.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear discussion of both views, which is an important part of the task. You also clearly state your own opinion and attempt to support it.
coherence cohesion
There is a recognizable introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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