Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Other believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather that compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
People have varied opinions on whether
children
should be raised to be competitive; some suggest that doing so can be beneficial, and many believe society needs more individuals who are willing to work with others. In my opinion, to boost the chance of success, educators need to strike a balance between the two approaches.
First of all, although
competition can have a positive impact on a child’s development, there are drawbacks that cannot be neglected. It is true that healthy competition can strengthen a child’s motivation and boost their confidence. This
point can be proved by young learners’ performance in class with competitive games: students are significantly more engaged and devoted when being asked to be more competitive. Also
, with proper guidance, a young person can learn invaluable lessons from both success and failure. However
, some kids might find this
form of learning too stressful to perform well and lose the mentality to participate in such
activities again, which, in the long run, could have irreversible harm to their development. Therefore
, having children
take part in competition could no doubt lead to enhancement in many areas, albeit with potential risks.
Equally, teaching children
to be cooperative may improve skills that the former measure does not cover, such
as the ability to form and maintain relationships, share ideas, and help others. Needless to say, these precious qualities can have a profound influence on one’s career in the future. For example
, amiable and congenial people often get promotions faster than their peers. Furthermore
, in an environment where collective effort is encouraged, children
have more freedom to be themselves and explore their interests instead
of being exposed to their weakest points. Thus
, young people who grow up understanding the importance of collaboration might fit their social roles better.
In conclusion, both zealous and generous attributes are vital to a person’s character, as both have their merits in society. That being said, children
should be taught to recognise the value of uplifting others along with
themselves, as there is strength in unity.Submitted by yanjinru0827 on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear and balanced argument addressing both sides of the debate. Ensure that each point is consistently supported with relevant examples in future essays to reinforce your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure every paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, while your essay is generally coherent, a little more use of transition words could enhance the flow even further.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the task by discussing both perspectives and giving a conclusive opinion, which is essential for a high IELTS score.
coherence cohesion
You used a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary effectively, showcasing your language proficiency.