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Band 4.5

Using computers and mobile phones in communication -> negative impact on reading and writing among young people, agree or disagree.

#computers #phones #communication #impact #people
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Some argue that youngsters may be affected in writing and reading techniques by communicating on technology devices. I comprehensively disagree with that statement
due to
 several reasons. First and foremost, Internet-connecting devices can allow
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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 to enhance their crucial typing skill when discussing with friends. Descendants may find accessing the informative treasure trove convenient without any complaint, thereby guaranteeing their job careers.
For instance
, many potential opportunities for well-paid work usually require the email-writing technique and 90% of tasks are finished by making an email on computers and phones.
In addition
, gaining knowledge
by
Change preposition
through
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 technological achievements could provide the young generation with a speed-reading method. With that outstanding ability, youngsters may store
the
Correct article usage
apply
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valuable information rapidly without misunderstanding, allowing them to have flexibility in every kind of mission, regardless of the difficulty. A simple example is that almost essential documents are stored on social platforms and
thus
, enhancing reading methods can not only help learners collect the data online, but it is
also
 effective when researching
on
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apply
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classical books. Notwithstanding, some assert that searching
information
Change preposition
for information
show examples
 online for a long period could prevent researchers from maintaining fitness and mental health.
However
,
this
 argument just happens for someone who does not have a logical schedule, which can provide
well-conditioned
Correct article usage
a well-conditioned
show examples
 status for teenagers. In conclusion, the potential impact on document-analysing and conversational skills could be accelerated
due to
 the upgrade of typing and speed-reading abilities.
Submitted by alicema0503 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is very good. However, make sure to develop your main points further. Provide more specific examples and detailed explanations to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
To enhance clarity and comprehensibility, consider breaking down complex sentences and avoiding overly sophisticated vocabulary that might hinder understanding. Simple and direct language often makes your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance and stays focused on the topic throughout, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is evident in your essay with a clear progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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