In modern society, it is possible to go shopping, work, and accommodate via the Internet without face-to-face contact with one another. To what extent do you think this is a positive or negative development.

In our contemporary world, the
Internet
has dominated each and every aspect of people's lives. It has reached an extent, where we almost no longer need to practice our daily interactions
while
being in touch. In
this
essay, I will demonstrate the catastrophic effects of
such
evolution and why I think it will turn our world into a dystopia.
Firstly
, the most negative effect is demolishing and weakening social interaction between society members.
This
is easily noticed today by significantly depending on social media solely as the standard means of communication. Indeed, society is dividing into several virtual bubbles day after the other. On Reddit,
for example
, there is a rising phenomenon about viral communities of the young population calling themselves 'Incels' preaching for social isolation and promoting anti-social ideas.
Secondly
, another noticeable drawback is the spread of fraud and unethical practices via the
Internet
. Governments cannot have robust authority over the misuse of universal virtual networks. In South Africa,
for instance
, the number of immoral hackers rose extremely over the
last
five years
as a result
of the increased dependence and usage of different
Internet
platforms. Which led to high and severe crime rates by dint of social media websites.
To conclude
, the
Internet
certainly has its boons. Yet I strongly emphasize that convenience should not be our only aim from now on. We could try to maintain our social presence in more natural ways
while
benefiting from virtual services.
Such
a balance could be attained by frequent reminders and increasing public awareness to avoid heinous practices towards our societies.
Submitted by besoyam on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer overall structure. While your arguments are strong, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and topic sentence. This will enhance readability and cohesion.
task achievement
While you provided relevant examples, a broader range of specific examples would strengthen your argument. Adding references to studies or statistics could further substantiate your points.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas by expanding on them further. For example, explain more about how social isolation affects individuals' mental health or societal cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument. This helps to guide the reader and provide closure to your discussion.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant to the topic and present a clear viewpoint on why the evolution of Internet dependency could be harmful. This shows a good understanding of the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • online shopping
  • remote work
  • virtual meetings
  • contactless transactions
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • efficiency
  • time-saving
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • social interaction
  • fraud
  • misuse
  • dependency
  • technology
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