IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In some countries, it can be difficult for people over the age of 50 to get good jobs, despite their experience. What do you think are the causes and effects of this problem?

#countries #people #age #jobs #effects
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I totally agree that in some countries it can be difficult for
people
 over the
age
 of 50 to get jobs despite their experiences because of
facgors
Correct your spelling
factors
 like their
age
,
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 culture , Ego,
Health
Correct word choice
and Health
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insurances
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insurance
show examples
, .
Change the punctuation
,
.
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 Many
individual
Change to a plural noun
individuals
show examples
 after the
age
 of 50 usually have some health issues, many companies
resitric
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restrict
 the
staffs
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staff
show examples
 from hiring
people
 over a
specefic
Correct your spelling
specific
age
 group because of
this
. In my opinion,
people
 over 50 may even find it difficult to cope
up
Change preposition
apply
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with
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and deadlines. Many companies seek employers who are up-to-date with the latest technology and older generations might find it difficult in those certain areas
moreover
,elderly
people
also
 demand high
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 in regard to their
age
 and experience,
therefore
 there will
also
 be a huge workplace cultural
diffrences
Correct your spelling
differences
 leading to an environment where the older generation employers would feel unwelcomed which would impact on their daily work .
This
 could result again in management problems. We should
also
 be worried about their health which could possibly lead to
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 missed work days and huge insurance costs . In
conclusion
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conclusion,
show examples
i
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I
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 think
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 much better for the staff
memberb
Correct your spelling
members
member
 to have
people
 in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar
age
 group for better understanding and to have a good and happy workplace experience.
Submitted by prakasharjun1998 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay addresses the topic, but it is essential to provide more structure. Start with a clearer introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is connected logically. Use transition words to help the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
The main points need more detailed support. Include specific examples and evidence to make your arguments stronger.
task achievement
Try to avoid generalizations and provide concrete instances to explain your points.
task achievement
You have addressed both causes and effects which shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
A conclusion is present, wrapping up the essay well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • age discrimination
  • workplace culture
  • rapid technological advancements
  • higher salary expectations
  • financial instability
  • retirement plans
  • unemployment
  • mental and emotional wellbeing
  • health concerns
  • tech-savvy
  • experience
  • modern skills
  • resistant to new technologies
  • insurance costs
  • purposelessness
What to do next:
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