In some countries, it can be difficult for people over the age of 50 to get good jobs, despite their experience. What do you think are the causes and effects of this problem?
I totally agree that in some countries it can be difficult for
people
over the age
of 50 to get jobs despite their experiences because of facgors
like their Correct your spelling
factors
age
, work place
culture , Ego, Correct your spelling
workplace
Health
Correct word choice
and Health
insurances
Fix the agreement mistake
insurance
, .
Many Change the punctuation
,
.
individual
after the Change to a plural noun
individuals
age
of 50 usually have some health issues, many companies resitric
the Correct your spelling
restrict
staffs
from hiring Fix the agreement mistake
staff
people
over a specefic
Correct your spelling
specific
age
group because of this
.
In my opinion,people
over 50 may even find it difficult to cope up
with Change preposition
apply
works
and deadlines. Many companies seek employers who are up-to-date with the latest technology and older generations might find it difficult in those certain areas Fix the agreement mistake
work
moreover
,elderly people
also
demand high salary
in regard to their Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
age
and experience,therefore
there will also
be a huge workplace cultural diffrences
leading to an environment where the older generation employers would feel unwelcomed which would impact on their daily work .Correct your spelling
differences
This
could result again in management problems. We should also
be worried about their health which could possibly lead to few
missed work days and huge insurance costs .
In Correct article usage
a few
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
i
think Change the capitalization
I
its
much better for the staff Replace the word
it's
it is
memberb
to have Correct your spelling
members
member
people
in the
similar Correct article usage
a
age
group for better understanding and to have a good and happy workplace experience.Submitted by prakasharjun1998 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay addresses the topic, but it is essential to provide more structure. Start with a clearer introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is connected logically. Use transition words to help the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
The main points need more detailed support. Include specific examples and evidence to make your arguments stronger.
task achievement
Try to avoid generalizations and provide concrete instances to explain your points.
task achievement
You have addressed both causes and effects which shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
A conclusion is present, wrapping up the essay well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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