In some countries, it can be difficult for people over the age of 50 to get good jobs, despite their experience. What do you think are the causes and effects of this problem?
In many regions, it is
somhow
hard for older Correct your spelling
somehow
people
above 50 years to have the chance of getting a
decent Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
job
opportunities, even if they were
qualified for the Wrong verb form
are
job
or have a great experience. In this
essay, I am going to talk about the reason and the impact of this
issue.
In my opinion, the first reason to
Change preposition
for
this
problem is that companies find it difficult to have older employees in their space, it might be because they think that older human beings may be tired most of them
time or they might not have Correct your spelling
the
briliant
ideas as the young Correct your spelling
brilliant
people
. In addition
to that, they will get angry if they felt
that someone with a higher position Wrong verb form
feel
rose
their voice at them or told them to do something because they are sensitive at Verb problem
raised
this
age.
The second reason why is, these days in this
generation students have higher degrees, they work so hard on themselves and work in many different jobs either full-time or part-time so they might have a better chance in
getting a good Change preposition
of
job
. Meanwhile, the elder people
might have a decreased opportunity in
getting a better Change preposition
of
job
comparing
to the younger Wrong verb form
compared
people
, it is unfair becuase
even the elder Correct your spelling
because
people
need a decent job
to get with
their lives, to support their families. Change preposition
on with
In addition
to that, they need a good salary to take care of their health.
In conclusion, getting a good job
is harder for elder people
because of their health situations, their sensitivity and the lack of ideas.Submitted by a-la-a-11 on
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writing
Try to avoid repetition in your essay. Words like 'older people,' 'get a good job,' 'reason,' and 'impact' appeared multiple times. Using synonyms or rephrasing your sentences would enhance your writing style.
writing
Provide more specific examples or scenarios to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more relatable.
writing
Work on enhancing the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Make sure each point is thoroughly explained and connects well with the next.
structure
Good attempt at structure with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task
You addressed the task by discussing both causes and effects of the issue, which satisfies the task response criterion.
writing
Despite minor errors, your overall grammar and vocabulary usage were sufficient to get your points across.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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