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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, it can be difficult for people over the age of 50 to get good jobs, despite their experience. What do you think are the causes and effects of this problem?

#countries #people #age #jobs #effects
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In many regions, it is
somhow
Correct your spelling
somehow
 hard for older
people
 above 50 years to have the chance of getting
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
decent
job
 opportunities, even if they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 qualified for the
job
 or have a great experience. In
this
 essay, I am going to talk about the reason and the impact of
this
 issue. In my opinion, the first reason
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 problem is that companies find it difficult to have older employees in their space, it might be because they think that older human beings may be tired most of
them
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 time or they might not have
briliant
Correct your spelling
brilliant
 ideas as the young
people
.
In addition
 to that, they will get angry if they
felt
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 that someone with a higher position
rose
Verb problem
raised
show examples
 their voice at them or told them to do something because they are sensitive at
this
 age. The second reason why is, these days in
this
 generation students have higher degrees, they work so hard on themselves and work in many different jobs either full-time or part-time so they might have a better chance
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 getting a good
job
. Meanwhile, the elder
people
 might have a decreased opportunity
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 getting a better
job
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the younger
people
, it is unfair
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 even the elder
people
 need a decent
job
 to get
with
Change preposition
on with
show examples
 their lives, to support their families.
In addition
 to that, they need a good salary to take care of their health. In conclusion, getting a good
job
 is harder for elder
people
 because of their health situations, their sensitivity and the lack of ideas.
Submitted by a-la-a-11 on

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writing
Try to avoid repetition in your essay. Words like 'older people,' 'get a good job,' 'reason,' and 'impact' appeared multiple times. Using synonyms or rephrasing your sentences would enhance your writing style.
writing
Provide more specific examples or scenarios to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more relatable.
writing
Work on enhancing the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Make sure each point is thoroughly explained and connects well with the next.
structure
Good attempt at structure with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task
You addressed the task by discussing both causes and effects of the issue, which satisfies the task response criterion.
writing
Despite minor errors, your overall grammar and vocabulary usage were sufficient to get your points across.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age discrimination
  • workplace culture
  • rapid technological advancements
  • higher salary expectations
  • financial instability
  • retirement plans
  • unemployment
  • mental and emotional wellbeing
  • health concerns
  • tech-savvy
  • experience
  • modern skills
  • resistant to new technologies
  • insurance costs
  • purposelessness
What to do next:
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