Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion
People
have different views about how a person
could be succeed
in his or her life. Change the verb form
succeed
While
some individuals argue that finding a job immediately after high school
is a better option, I personally agree with those who believe that education is a
key to Correct article usage
the
find
a better occupation.
It is true that Wrong verb form
finding
sometime
it might be better for youngsters to get a job as soon as they finish Fix the agreement mistake
sometimes
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
school
. Firstly
, the labor
market might have Change the spelling
labour
competitive
atmosphere and some steps need to be taken in order to reach Correct article usage
a competitive
reasonable
salary. A Correct article usage
a reasonable
person
who enters the working labour should respect the hierarchy and fight with other competitors to be able to get promotion
. Add an article
a promotion
the promotion
As a result
, a school graduated
Add a hyphen
school-graduated
person
who starts his or her occupation immediate
after Change the word
immediately
school
might has
a chance to overcome the professional hierarchy and Change the verb form
have
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
the
better job position after some years. Correct article usage
a
Secondly
, having more working
experience might be more useful than Replace the word
work
university
degree. Nowadays, Add an article
a university
the
employers tend to have skilled employees rather than educated ones, because today Correct article usage
apply
people
can easily buy a valid certification. So, being professional in a task and having years of experience would be better
option.
Add an article
a better
the better
However
, I agree with those who feel following a subject at university
is the major factor of success. To begin
with, our world is facing an intellectual problem because the majority of people
do not have sufficient knowledge, they just depend on websites or blogs. The university
forces young generations to raise their information and present their own opinions instead
of copying others from the internet. As a matter of fact, there is a huge difference between a person
with a university
education and others, and this
difference will guarantee his or her success. Besides
, the university
not only increases students’ scientific information,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
it
teaches them Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
social manners. Youngsters are Correct article usage
apply
tought
the ways of Correct your spelling
taught
communications
with the professors and their classmates. The professional communication skills will help them to have Replace the word
communicating
better
relationship with their managers and colleagues.
In conclusion, Add an article
a better
although
many people
suppose that working is the most important factor to gain
wealth, I assume that having Change preposition
in gaining
university
degree will lead us to have more revenue in our career.Add an article
a university
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more linking words and phrases to clearly connect ideas, such as furthermore, moreover, and on the other hand.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to enhance logical structure. Sometimes, paragraphs may seem disjointed if multiple ideas are presented without clear transitions.
task achievement
While addressing both sides of the argument, provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will make your essay more convincing and show a deeper engagement with the topic.
task achievement
Polish your grammar and usage to maintain clarity. For example, 'The labor market might have competitive atmosphere' can be amended to 'The labor market might have a competitive atmosphere'.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses both sides of the debate, showing a balanced viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, framing the essay effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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