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Band 5

The gap between the rich and the poor is wider than it ever has been. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve it?

#gap
In today's societal context, there is a
dramatical
Replace the word
dramatic
show examples
 distinction between the rich and the poor which seems to be one of the controversial issues
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
 in every
nations
Change to a singular noun
nation
show examples
 across the world. There are various factors
contribute
Correct pronoun usage
that contribute
show examples
 to
this
 problem;
therefore
,
this
 essay will provide some reasons and effective solutions. It can be
undenieable
Correct your spelling
undeniable
 that
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
capitalism is
underlying
Correct article usage
the underlying
show examples
 economy in many countries which positively affects not only their financial status but
also
 financial stabilities.
This
 kind of economics benefits superiors in terms of business,
however
, it significantly impacts
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the inferiors that people cannot find an opportunity to
florish
Correct your spelling
flourish
 in their career paths
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social barriers.
Additionally
, a market share in some products is restricted by one of
big
Add an article
the big
show examples
 companies, leading to indirect compulsory
althernative
Correct your spelling
alternative
alternatives
 for consumers to consume its product only.
For example
, in Thailand, Gulfs is
only
Add an article
the only
show examples
 company providing electricity to domestic,
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 all the convenience store is owned by CP. To solve those causes effectively,
firstly
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 need to complete its tasks by increasing taxes for the elites and diminishing taxes for ordinary individuals,
such
 as annual tax
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
.
As a result
, poor people can afford their lives properly and
also
 the authority has more reserve funds to develop its state.
Secondly
, dividing more career opportunities
to
Change preposition
among
show examples
local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
show examples
 tends to generate
monetaries
Correct your spelling
monetary
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 citizens, which allows residents to have
capability
Change the article
the capability
show examples
 to ascend themselves
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 living standard.
For example
, OTOP is a campaign that encourages locals to sell their products
for earning
Change preposition
to earn
show examples
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their hometown. In conclusion, all
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
show examples
 causes can
be solve
Change the verb form
be solved
show examples
 proficently
whether
Correct word choice
if
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 pay more attention to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
poverty
Add an article
the poverty
show examples
 rate in its nation by creating new tax
policy
Fix the agreement mistake
policies
show examples
 and job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
poors
Correct your spelling
poor
.
Submitted by saiparnwc on

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language
Improve grammar and vocabulary to avoid errors and enhance clarity. For example, 'dramatically' instead of 'dramatical.'
task response
Expand on and better connect examples to broader points. Some points, like the impact of capitalism, can be more deeply explored.
task response
Good attempt at addressing the prompt comprehensively, discussing both causes and solutions.
coherence
The structure of the essay is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
The use of examples, such as the reference to 'Gulfs' in Thailand, helps illustrate points.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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