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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

in some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this ? How can people research this ?

#countries #people #history #house #research
As known these days home is the most important thing in human life. There is an increase in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
people
 who think they have to know more about the
history
 of real estate in which they intend to live .
This
 essay will discuss what is the reason to
search
 for
houses
 or
buildings
 and the
way
 to achieve
this
search
.  There are many reasons make
people
search
 for
houses
 or
buildings
.
As a result
, many reach their peaceful mind by correct choice. The first reason to
search
, some want to live in agricultural land where they can have a lot of natural activities they like.
Second,
there is a
people
 who interested in old designs of structures with the
history
 of the old owners and so on. Anyway, everyone has his own thoughts which make him decide where to live. Searching nowadays is easier than ever with the technology. So that,
way
 of searching about
houses
 or lands can not take a long time.
For example
, If anyone wants to read about the
history
 of any real state he can use
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 to provide him with the
information
.
Also
, the government of the state can provide more accurate
information
 on the land or previous owners.
In addition
, in every
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
movement
, there is a real state office which can give additional
information
. As was mentioned previously, it is easy to
search
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
houses
 or
buildings
.
This
 essay discussed why
people
 would
search
 for
houses
 or
buildings
 and the
way
 to
search
 .At
last
, there are humans
insist
Correct pronoun usage
who insist
show examples
 on knowing what is the
history
 of the place they will live in. Many
people
 need more
information
 about the
way
 to
search
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 real states.
Submitted by hanadi.alajmi92 on

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task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic but could be more concise. Instead of 'As known these days home is the most important thing in human life,' consider refining it to 'Home plays a crucial role in human life.' This would improve clarity and engagement.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from more specific examples to support the reasons why people research the history of their homes. Including anecdotes or citing data can strengthen your arguments and make them more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph develops a single main idea clearly. The second paragraph could be split into two separate sections: one focusing solely on the reasons people research their homes, and the other on the methods available for this research.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay. Phrases like 'In addition' and 'For example' are useful, but vary your transition words to avoid repetition and to keep the reader engaged.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This will help guide the reader through your points more effectively.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, 'there is a people who interested' should be 'there are people who are interested.' Attention to these details will improve the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of addressing both parts of the prompt. You clearly outline reasons why people research the history of their homes and ways to conduct this research.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay, reinforcing your key arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a clear focus on the topic, which contributes positively to task achievement and coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Historical research
  • Genealogy
  • Architectural styles
  • Heritage
  • Relics
  • Oral history
  • Archival records
  • Museum exhibits
  • Historical societies
  • House tours
  • Renovation projects
  • Original blueprints
  • Careful documentation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: