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Band 6.5

In some countries, student pay their college or university fees, while in some others, the government pays for them. Do the advantages of governments paying for fees outweigh the disadvantages.

#countries #student #college #university #fees #government #governments
It is indisputable that university fees exert a profound and wide-ranging influence on student's performance. Some people posit that if governments pay for
students
 will offer a better solution. I contend that
while
 parents are paying for their boys which plays a pivotal and indispensable role in the student's confidence, it
also
 presents some negative consequences that should not be overlooked. In terms of the positive side, the son will try hard to enhance his grades. The primary justification offered in favour of
this
 assertion
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 is that his family paid a lot for the university which would encourage him to have high marks so his parents would be certain that he would do his best.
For instance
, there was research conducted by a British scientist about
students
 who came from Saudi Arabia. He had
group
 A which the government paid for the
students
, and
group
 B bore the cost itself,
group
 A contained 4
students
 2 of them had bad grades and the other were successful,
on the other hand
,
group
 B had 5
students
 who were confident and wants to have the best grade so their families will be pleasured from the result.
Furthermore
,
students
 will be under pressure because their families paid a lot of money to let their children have a good education so they will do their best. To elucidate, if your father gave half of his money to the university to allow the best education for his kid, you will have to get high marks.
In addition
, one of the most effective toward not allowing parents to have high education levels for their children is overwhelming costs. In conclusion, universities must ensure that steps are taken to prevent
this
 phenomenon, high cost, from increasing in the future.
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task achievement
Ensure that your main argument is clearly stated in the introduction. The current thesis statement is a bit unclear and should explicitly state your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Develop your points in a more organized manner. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, and your current paragraphs cover multiple ideas, making it harder to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit unclear or awkwardly phrased. Review your essay to ensure every sentence clearly conveys your intended meaning.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, such as the British scientist’s research, to support your argument, which strengthens your position.
introduction conclusion
The essay contains an introduction and conclusion, which ensures that your argument is framed well at the beginning and wrapped up at the end.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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