Some people argue that the government should give every unemployed person a mobile phone and should make sure they have access to the Internet. They believe this is the best way of using public money to reduce the problem of unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It has been suggested that governments should give jobless
people
phones
and Internet
access
to alleviate the unemployment problem. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this
idea as it is certainly not the best way of using public money to solve the problem, and the following paragraphs will elaborate more on that. To begin
with, the idea of just giving unemployed people
technology in order to solve their problems seems a little wishful
. To illustrate, the fact that most Correct your spelling
wistful
people
have phones
and internet
access
nowadays suggests that this
is not what prevents them from finding work. It would be much better if the money is spent on job fairs, counselling, benefits, or even investment in local businesses to spur the hiring process. Indeed, whilst none of these is a perfect solution, they all seem rather more realistic and preferential than buying thousands of phones
and Internet
contracts. Another argument to add is that mobile phones
do not provide the vast majority of people
with any income. In other words
, any suggested solution should take in
consideration that unemployed Change preposition
into
people
need money to pay for their expenses, and this
cannot be usually gained by just having a mobile phone and an
Remove the article
apply
Internet
access
. Actually, some young people
could use these services to waste more time playing video games or even involved
in some illegal activities. In conclusion, Add a missing verb
be involved
due to
the fact that the suggestion of providing unemployed people
with mobile phones
and Internet
access
to tackle their challenges is an impractical measure, I would assure
that I strongly disagree with it.Verb problem
say
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task achievement
To strengthen your task response, ensure that all points are relevant and supported with concrete examples. This will make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
Try to deepen your analysis in each paragraph. For instance, explaining how job fairs or counseling would directly lead to employment can enhance the essay.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases and ensure that each paragraph introduces a new idea or perspective. This helps maintain a logical flow throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more transitional words and phrases to further enhance the coherence of the essay. This will create a smoother narrative.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which sets a clear direction for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and reinforces your standpoint, which provides a strong closure.
supported main points
You present multiple arguments and provide explanations to support your position, which shows a good level of elaboration.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite