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Band 4.5

theinternet when used as a source of information has more drawbacks than advantages.to what extent do you agree?

#theinternet #source #information
As with the advancement of technology ,more proponents
use
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 as a
signinficant
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significant
 source of information.I
titally
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totally
 agree with
this
 notion that excessive
use
 of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 to get information
have
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has
show examples
 more demerits than merits.The following
paragraphes
Correct your spelling
paragraphs
 will
disscuss
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discuss
this
 in detail.
Firstly
 ,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 huge number of
jobians
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jobs
jacobians
 and students
use
this
 technology to complete their official and institutional tasks.They completely
relay
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rely
show examples
 on the
internet
,
ratherthan
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rather than
 reading informative articles or books.
However
 ,most of the time these informations are false or
for
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far
show examples
 away from reality .
For example
 ,
due to
increasing
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the increasing
show examples
 trend of social media and
beloging
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blogging
belonging
 people
dont
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don't
 go
in
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into
show examples
 the depth of any
news
 just
reposts
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repost
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 fake
news
 again and again,
while
on the other
hand
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hand,
show examples
 society behaves
silimarily
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similarly
.They just focus on
quantity
Correct article usage
the quantity
show examples
 of
news
 but not on the quality of authentic
news
.
Moreover
 ,
news
 on social media is
beyound
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beyond
of
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apply
show examples
any privacy
vlogers
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vloggers
bloggers
 can post about any celebrity's personal life
that
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which
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 is really
disapointing
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disappointing
.
As
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
coponent
Correct your spelling
component
 of technology rapidly replacing paper files
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 digital documents.So individuals are becoming screen swarms.as
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
use
 screens at
work places
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workplaces
show examples
 in schools or even during leisure periods to read favourite books or novels online.
This
 causes visual , health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
as well as
 psychological problems.
For instance
,a recent research in
UK
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the UK
show examples
illesturates
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illustrates
 that as
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
last
Change the article
the last
show examples
decad
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decade
show examples
 there is
Add an article
an increase
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
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 number of
peoplewho
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people who
use
 visual obstacles and
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from obesity .The ground reason they mentioned is more sitting in front of
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
,computers and
phone
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phones
show examples
 and less physical
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
.
To conclude
,
althouth
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although
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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provide
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provides
show examples
 quick and easy access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the world,it has more disadvantages for the future generation in the form of illness visual strain stress
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
loneliness and misleading information.
Submitted by atiya.noureen21 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task, touching on several key points. However, there are areas where clarity and comprehensiveness can be improved. For example, try to be more specific in your arguments and provide clear examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure present, but it could be more refined. Make your paragraphs more distinct and ensure that each one has a clear main idea that directly supports your thesis. Use transition words to improve the flow between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be stronger. Make sure your introduction clearly sets the stage for what will be discussed, and your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points while reinforcing your stance.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to back up your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
grammar
Avoid minor spelling and grammatical errors, as these can distract from your overall argument. A proofread could help catch easily correctable mistakes.
task achievement
You effectively touched upon both the advantages and disadvantages of using the internet as a source of information.
task achievement
Your essay outlines several relevant points about the drawbacks of internet usage, including misinformation and health issues.
coherence cohesion
You've identified a logical structure to your essay, which is a good foundation to build upon for future improvements.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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