IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

theinternet when used as a source of information has more drawbacks than advantages.to what extent do you agree?

As with the advancement of technology ,more proponents
use
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 as a
signinficant
Correct your spelling
significant
 source of information.I
titally
Correct your spelling
totally
 agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion that excessive
use
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 to get information
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more demerits than merits.The following
paragraphes
Correct your spelling
paragraphs
 will
disscuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
this
Linking Words
 in detail.
Firstly
Linking Words
 ,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge number of
jobians
Correct your spelling
jobs
jacobians
 and students
use
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 technology to complete their official and institutional tasks.They completely
relay
Correct your spelling
rely
show examples
 on the
internet
Use synonyms
,
ratherthan
Correct your spelling
rather than
 reading informative articles or books.
However
Linking Words
 ,most of the time these informations are false or
for
Correct your spelling
far
show examples
 away from reality .
For example
Linking Words
 ,
due to
Linking Words
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 trend of social media and
beloging
Correct your spelling
blogging
belonging
 people
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 go
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the depth of any
news
Use synonyms
 just
reposts
Correct subject-verb agreement
repost
show examples
 fake
news
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 again and again,
while
Linking Words
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 society behaves
silimarily
Correct your spelling
similarly
.They just focus on
quantity
Correct article usage
the quantity
show examples
 of
news
Use synonyms
 but not on the quality of authentic
news
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
 ,
news
Use synonyms
 on social media is
beyound
Correct your spelling
beyond
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any privacy
vlogers
Correct your spelling
vloggers
bloggers
 can post about any celebrity's personal life
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is really
disapointing
Correct your spelling
disappointing
.
As
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
coponent
Correct your spelling
component
 of technology rapidly replacing paper files
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 digital documents.So individuals are becoming screen swarms.as
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
use
Use synonyms
 screens at
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
 in schools or even during leisure periods to read favourite books or novels online.
This
Linking Words
 causes visual , health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 psychological problems.
For instance
Linking Words
,a recent research in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
illesturates
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 that as
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
Linking Words
last
Change the article
the last
show examples
decad
Correct your spelling
decade
show examples
 there is
Add an article
an increase
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 number of
peoplewho
Correct your spelling
people who
use
Use synonyms
 visual obstacles and
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from obesity .The ground reason they mentioned is more sitting in front of
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
,computers and
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and less physical
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
althouth
Correct your spelling
although
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 quick and easy access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the world,it has more disadvantages for the future generation in the form of illness visual strain stress
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
loneliness and misleading information.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task, touching on several key points. However, there are areas where clarity and comprehensiveness can be improved. For example, try to be more specific in your arguments and provide clear examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure present, but it could be more refined. Make your paragraphs more distinct and ensure that each one has a clear main idea that directly supports your thesis. Use transition words to improve the flow between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be stronger. Make sure your introduction clearly sets the stage for what will be discussed, and your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points while reinforcing your stance.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to back up your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
grammar
Avoid minor spelling and grammatical errors, as these can distract from your overall argument. A proofread could help catch easily correctable mistakes.
task achievement
You effectively touched upon both the advantages and disadvantages of using the internet as a source of information.
task achievement
Your essay outlines several relevant points about the drawbacks of internet usage, including misinformation and health issues.
coherence cohesion
You've identified a logical structure to your essay, which is a good foundation to build upon for future improvements.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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