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Band 6.5

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT FAST PACE AND STRESS OF MODERN LIFE IS HAVING A NEGATIVE EFFECT ON FAMILIES. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE.

#people #pace #stress #life #effect #families
It is an indisputable truth that the modernization in the lifestyle is directly affecting
families
 negatively. I completely agree with
this
 notion , I will explicate my viewpoints in the subsequent paragraphs. To commence with, there is a wide array of reasons why people reckon that the fast-paced modern life is having negative effects on
families
. The most significant reason is the sense of achieving a good societal status. To clarify, individuals carry a competitive spirit among themselves to showcase that they are no less than anyone around them.
Moreover
,
this
 spirit itself is the cause of stress when it comes to modernization in one's life which directly or indirectly affects their
families
.
For example
, joint
families
 in India fight for money which causes tension among family members.
Furthermore
, another prominent is the shortage of time that one can devote to its family which is causing a negative impact on the surroundings and the bonds that they serve.
Hence
, in order to keep up with the modern world, an individual has to put in extra effort to make ends meet.
As a result
, the individual is unable to spare time for the family and mental health itself.
For instance
, In Canada, almost every member of a household is working , and owing to
this
 they do not have time for each other. In conclusion, I would like to ingeminate that
although
 lives have become easier with the adoption of modern lifestyle, it certainly has effects that are harmful to a person's mental health
as well as
 their family.
Submitted by jaspreet on

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Vocabulary and Grammar
Try to employ a wider range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance clarity and sophistication of your arguments.
Examples and Evidence
Enhance the depth and explanation of your examples to make them more relevant and supportive of your main arguments.
Paragraph Structure
Ensure a clearer separation of your arguments into distinct paragraphs to improve readability and coherence.
Structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument well.
Argumentation
The central thesis is communicated and supported with some logical reasons and examples, demonstrating a reasonable attempt to address the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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