IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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Some individuals argue that
music
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 is a good method for
people
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 to have a conversation with many
people
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 from different cultures and ages. In
this
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essay
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essay's
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 opinion, it is a good way to communicate by using
music
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. It is easy to understand that
music
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 might be crucial to uniting the whole
people
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 of the world is providing another language. To explain,
Music
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 does not need interpretation to be enjoyed and understood as it touches our hearts in our minds. No matter what language we speak or understand, we appreciate the melody and depth of
music
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 which is why
people
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 of all ages can sit together and enjoy the same
music
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.
For instance
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, some viral
music
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 in foreign languages in our country signifies how it speaks our minds and hearts rather than just a human language.
Moreover
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,
due to
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 the fact that
music
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 has the power to promote cross-cultural understanding. Through exposure to different musical genres and traditions,
people
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 can gain a deeper appreciation for other cultures and ways of life.
For example
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, Vietnam and
USA
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the USA
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 used to be competitors in the past,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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leads
Wrong verb form
led
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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hostile
feeling
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feelings
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 between
2
Correct article usage
the 2
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countries,
however
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 because
of
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apply
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many famous singers created many songs that contributed to the relationship, Vietnam and
USA
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the USA
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 nowadays are friendly,
Correct word choice
and helps
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helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 each other many works for enhancing the economy.
As a result
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,
people
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of
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from
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 many countries can connect and understand others'
life
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lives
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 by listening to
music
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. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 disagree
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this
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with this
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 statement, it is beneficial for
people
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 to have a friendly relationship with foreigners with the reasons of giving more knowledge of other languages and understanding more cultures.
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introduction conclusion present
Your introduction presents the topic and your opinion clearly, but it could be slightly more engaging to grab the reader's attention right away. You could include a more specific thesis statement outlining the main points that you are going to discuss in the essay.
relevant specific examples
Some of your points are supported well, but try to provide more detailed and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. Adding more specific and varied examples will make your essay more convincing and compelling.
logical structure
Your essay has a logical structure, though some transitions between paragraphs and ideas could be smoother. Make sure that each point naturally flows into the next and that you use varied cohesive devices.
logical structure
You've made good use of paragraphs to break down your points, which helps in organizing your essay and making it easier to read.
complete response
You have managed to provide a complete response to the essay question. Your main points are clear and you have stayed on topic throughout your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion nicely sums up the main points of your essay and reiterates your viewpoint. It effectively wraps up your discussion and leaves a lasting impression.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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