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Writing Samples
Band 5

MENU Some people think that keeping pets is good for children while others think it is dangerous and unhealthy. Which opinion do you agree with? Discuss both options and give examples

#menu #people #pets #children #options
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Nowadays, we hardly find any house without
altleast
Correct your spelling
at least
single
Correct article usage
a single
show examples
 pet as it has become an important member
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 families.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe that animals are good for
children
Use synonyms
 because of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 companionship,
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
others are of the opinion that these are harmful
due to
Linking Words
 safety reasons. In my opinion, even though there are negative sides
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 keeping
pets
Use synonyms
 at
home
Use synonyms
, it is always advantageous to have
pets
Use synonyms
 at
home
Use synonyms
. Animals
such
Linking Words
 as dogs, cats, birds, etc. are usually liked and loved by little ones since their early childhood days.
This
Linking Words
 is because these lovable beings create an amicable atmosphere with young boys and girls which results in an unbreakable bond and friendship.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 consider
pets
Use synonyms
 as their soul mates to indulge in various activities
such
Linking Words
 as playing, daily exercises and
evem
Correct your spelling
even
 eating.
For instance
Linking Words
, a recent study in Australia reveals that
children
Use synonyms
 who grew up with
pets
Use synonyms
 are compassionate and friendly compared to others of similar age.
Therefore
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, considering all these aspects,
pets
Use synonyms
 at
home
Use synonyms
 are beneficial for
children
Use synonyms
 to grow up in a healthy environment.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, there are several scenarios where
pets
Use synonyms
caused
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
 harm to
children
Use synonyms
 owing to unsafe conditions. To explain
further
Linking Words
, the
smaill
Correct your spelling
small
 hairs of
pets
Use synonyms
 can be hazardous if little girls or boys
inadvertenly
Correct your spelling
inadvertently
 breathe or swallow.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these innocent living beings may become dangerous when they are affected by sickness or spreading diseases
such
Linking Words
 as rabies resulting in unexpected attacks towards
children
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, bringing up
pets
Use synonyms
 at
home
Use synonyms
 can be unhealthy and
harfmful
Correct your spelling
harmful
 in case of odd circumstances In conclusion,
pets
Use synonyms
 are the most respectful and lovable mates in
this
Linking Words
 world.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they can be threatening at times
due to
Linking Words
 their body structure or illness, they form a good companion to
children
Use synonyms
 of all ages. In my viewpoint, it is advisable to keep
pets
Use synonyms
 at
home
Use synonyms
 so that all members of the family can enjoy their presence and love.
Submitted by gloriasherin on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay generally follows a logical structure, but make sure to ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and stick to one main idea per paragraph to improve readability.
task achievement
While you have supported your main points well, including more specific examples and evidence could make your arguments more compelling.
general
There are some minor spelling and grammatical errors present; for example, 'altleast' should be 'at least,' and 'evem' should be 'even.' Take time to proofread your work to minimize these errors.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, clearly outlining your stance on the topic.
task achievement
You have discussed both viewpoints, presenting a balanced argument before clearly indicating your own opinion, which strengthens your task response.
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