IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people prefer to save money. Others prefer to use their money on things they will enjoy. What is the best approach towards money? Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #money #approach
Plenty of
people
 believe that a frugal lifestyle is vital,
whereas
 others hold the view that their wages should be spent on entertainment.
This
 writer argues that it is better to save
money
 rather than use illogically To some extent,
people
 should use
money
 practically. Obviously, salary is the main source of
money
, if
people
 are unreasonably spending, they will not have enough
money
 to tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some unpredicted situations that appear in their life.
Consequently
, residents easily get into debt which will put a strain on
people
 leading to depression and unglamorous.
Hence
, having a logical plan for expenses may help dwellers feel relieved and more comfortable in life.
However
, spending
money
 on enjoyable items
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be seen as motivation. Intrinsically, when
people
 have an objective, it will foster putting lots of effort
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 earning
money
.
Moreover
, purchasing
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
luxury items or presents is very effective for combatting stress which can improve personal mental health.
Thus
, buying some meaningful things persistently can reduce stress and concentrate on work. In conclusion, the benefits of saving
money
 may outweigh the advantages of buying non-sense gadgets. In my opinion, workers should have a plan to balance the expenditure on different categories in order to have more profit in the future to spend or invest in many precise ambitions
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task achievement
While the essay provides a structured argument, it would benefit from more specific examples to support the points. For instance, you could mention real-life scenarios where saving money helped someone during an unforeseen situation.
coherence cohesion
The coherence and cohesion of the essay can be improved by using more transitional phrases and ensuring that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on how saving or spending money can impact one's overall happiness and long-term goals. This will add depth to your discussion and strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states both viewpoints and provides a clear thesis statement, setting the stage for the rest of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the author's opinion, providing a strong ending to the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both saving and spending money, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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