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Band 4

Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to took after them. What is the problem related to this? What are some possible solution?

#people #care #time
A lot of citizens who look forward to the older generation do not have much time to service themselves. The root cause for
this
 is elder people are too old to take
care
 of themselves and
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they easy to get
sick
Correct word choice
sicker
show examples
 than other young individuals, yet it can be solved by focusing on technology to develop services or donate money to service groups of volunteers. The underlying root of the problem is individuals taking
care
 of older people is too difficult. Older citizens spend their whole
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 studying, surviving earning money so the result they may have various issues with their health
also
 they easily cross with their own
care
. Another factor may be that the distance between the old and young generations is too far so residents who take
care
 do not know what demand elderly want
then
 they have to work harder. Perhaps a solution to the problem of the government should advertise and support them in some way to prevent the bad situation and
also
 reduce the amount of depression in old people.
Furthermore
, the government can create groups of teenagers to talk to or visit the elderly to make them feel
gladness
Replace the word
glad
show examples
. In conclusion,
this
 problem causes lots of health and mental problems for citizens taking
care
 of the elderly.
However
, the government have many ways to solve those issues.
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and coherent structure. Ensure each paragraph has a topic sentence and flows logically from one point to the next.
task achievement
Your main points need to be supported with specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are difficult to understand due to grammar issues. Try reading your essay out loud to catch awkward or incorrect phrases.
task achievement
Address the problem and solutions more clearly and in-depth to fully achieve the task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which wrap up the discussion well.
task achievement
You have identified a relevant problem and proposed some solutions, which is good for task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • burnout
  • neglect
  • emotional distress
  • social interaction
  • mental stimulation
  • financial costs
  • community care services
  • respite care
  • telehealth services
  • flexible work arrangements
  • caregiver leave policies
  • support networks
  • emotional support
  • monitoring systems
  • training programs
  • interpersonal strain
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