Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to look after them
There is often not enough time in the schedules of those who provide elder
care
for the elderly. From my perspective, I hold to belief
that Correct article usage
the belief
this
cure can decrease quality
of health and the most effective solution is comprehensive and Correct article usage
the quality
society
reform.
One of the main reasons for the lack of time to look after the elderly face with the quality of Replace the word
societal
care
decreased
. A nurse Verb problem
apply
recieve
a number of patients, who might all require a special cure Correct your spelling
receives
received
with
full time, must prioritise. Patients who no longer have relatives by their side are Change preposition
apply
then
more likely to develop bed sores, poor nutrition, and depression. In more severe reality, patients have an intellectual or brain disease, and their health not
good enough to continue healing, Add a missing verb
is not
for
instance
there may be serious Add a comma
instance,
injure
. An Alzheimer’s patient may wander out of the house, get lost and not be able to find their way home. A critically ill patient may need urgent Replace the word
injuries
care
and not be able to contact the hospital in an emergency.
These problems can be partly remedied if society
Add an article
the society
felt
responsible for the elderly. There are examples of nations, chiefly Asian countries like Japan, where old people are highly respected. Wrong verb form
feels
This
permeates all levels of society
and translates to children and grandchildren being more willing to take on the burden of care
, as well as
more attentive doctors and better government-funded social welfare programs. All these measures combined not only have a tangible, daily impact but also
shift the societal mindset from considering the elderly a nuisance to regarding them as a milestone in life that all must pass through, deserving of respect.
In conclusion, the problems related to limited opportunities for looking after the elderly concern their level of care
and can be combatted with a number of measures permeating multiple layers of society
. Though unlikely, these reforms would evidence a core of human compassion.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task achievement
Ensure that your essay's main points are clearly stated and fully developed. The middle part of the essay was lacking some clarity, so try to enhance your points with additional examples and clearer connections.
coherence cohesion
Try to refine your logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Some ideas seemed a bit disjointed at times. Use transitional phrases effectively to guide your reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Avoid redundancy and repetitiveness in your writing. A few points were repeated or rephrased unnecessarily. Focus on presenting new information or perspectives with each sentence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives it a good frame and helps the reader understand the main idea.
task achievement
The use of societies like Japan as examples of successful elder care shows an understanding of different cultural approaches, which strengthens your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
