IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to look after them

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There is often not enough time in the schedules of those who provide elder
care
Use synonyms
 for the elderly. From my perspective, I hold to
belief
Correct article usage
the belief
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 that
this
Linking Words
 cure can decrease
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of health and the most effective solution is comprehensive and
Use synonyms
society
Replace the word
societal
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 reform. One of the main reasons for the lack of time to look after the elderly face with the quality of
care
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decreased
Verb problem
apply
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. A nurse
recieve
Correct your spelling
receives
received
 a number of patients, who might all require a special cure
with
Change preposition
apply
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full time, must prioritise. Patients who no longer have relatives by their side are
then
Linking Words
 more likely to develop bed sores, poor nutrition, and depression. In more severe reality, patients have an intellectual or brain disease, and their health
not
Add a missing verb
is not
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 good enough to continue healing,
for
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 there may be serious
injure
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injuries
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. An Alzheimer’s patient may wander out of the house, get lost and not be able to find their way home. A critically ill patient may need urgent
care
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 and not be able to contact the hospital in an emergency. These problems can be partly remedied if
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society
Add an article
the society
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felt
Wrong verb form
feels
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 responsible for the elderly. There are examples of nations, chiefly Asian countries like Japan, where old people are highly respected.
This
Linking Words
 permeates all levels of
society
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 and translates to children and grandchildren being more willing to take on the burden of
care
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,
as well as
Linking Words
 more attentive doctors and better government-funded social welfare programs. All these measures combined not only have a tangible, daily impact but
also
Linking Words
 shift the societal mindset from considering the elderly a nuisance to regarding them as a milestone in life that all must pass through, deserving of respect. In conclusion, the problems related to limited opportunities for looking after the elderly concern their level of
care
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 and can be combatted with a number of measures permeating multiple layers of
society
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. Though unlikely, these reforms would evidence a core of human compassion.

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay's main points are clearly stated and fully developed. The middle part of the essay was lacking some clarity, so try to enhance your points with additional examples and clearer connections.
coherence cohesion
Try to refine your logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Some ideas seemed a bit disjointed at times. Use transitional phrases effectively to guide your reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Avoid redundancy and repetitiveness in your writing. A few points were repeated or rephrased unnecessarily. Focus on presenting new information or perspectives with each sentence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives it a good frame and helps the reader understand the main idea.
task achievement
The use of societies like Japan as examples of successful elder care shows an understanding of different cultural approaches, which strengthens your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • burnout
  • neglect
  • emotional distress
  • social interaction
  • mental stimulation
  • financial costs
  • community care services
  • respite care
  • telehealth services
  • flexible work arrangements
  • caregiver leave policies
  • support networks
  • emotional support
  • monitoring systems
  • training programs
  • interpersonal strain
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