IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In recent years the family structures have changed as well as the family roles. What are the changes that are occouring. What do you think can be done to mend it?

#years #structures #roles #changes
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates the prevalence of three primary methods for accessing daily news across five distinct
age
Use synonyms
 categories during the year 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that microblogging emerged as the least
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
 option among the surveyed platforms,
while
Linking Words
 the utilization of social networking sites displayed an inverse correlation with
age
Use synonyms
. Radio broadcasting appears to be the most widely embraced medium for news consumption, with approximately 85% to slightly over 90% of individuals aged 18 and older tuning in daily.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the younger demographic, aged 10 to 17, exhibited a lower inclination towards radio, with only 40% indicating its preference.
In contrast
Linking Words
, social networking platforms garnered substantial engagement among younger
age
Use synonyms
 groups, ranging from approximately 80% for individuals aged 10 to 29.
However
Linking Words
, usage declined steadily with advancing
age
Use synonyms
, dropping to 50% for the 30-49
age
Use synonyms
 bracket, 40% for the 50-64 cohort, and 25% for the eldest
age
Use synonyms
 group. Microblogging emerged as the least
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
 news source
overall
Linking Words
, with popularity peaking among individuals aged 18 to 29 at around 25%, but experiencing lower proportions among other
age
Use synonyms
 cohorts, consistently remaining below 20%.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer concluding statement that summarizes the key findings succinctly.
coherence cohesion
While the overall structure is logical, including topic sentences would enhance the clarity of each paragraph.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific numerical values or comparisons between age groups to strengthen the details provided.
task achievement
Your essay provides a thorough response to the task, covering all relevant aspects of the data.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-supported with specific examples from the chart.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure and flow of information is clear, making it easy to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: