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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the total number of Olympic medals won by twelve different countries.

The chart below shows the total number of Olympic medals won by twelve different countries.
#olympic #medals #twelve #countries
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The image shows a horizontal
bar
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 chart with data for 12 different countries across three categories:
Gold
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,
Silver
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, and
Bronze
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. Data for each category is presented in separate, adjacent
bars
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 for each country, with numerical values extending from 0 up to 2,500. USA has the longest
bars
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 for
Gold
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 and
Silver
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, extending past 2,000 and 1,500 respectively,
while
Linking Words
 the
Bronze
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bar
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 reaches 1,000. Soviet Union's
Gold
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bar
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 extends to 1,000 and
Silver
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 to 500,
while
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Bronze
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 is slightly less than 500. UK's
Gold
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bar
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 is around 500, with
Silver
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 and
Bronze
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bars
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 around 250 each. France's
Gold
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bar
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 is around 250, and
Silver
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 and
Bronze
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 are around 150 each. Germany has
Gold
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 and
Silver
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bars
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 near 750, and
Bronze
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 close to 500. Italy's
Gold
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bar
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 reaches 500, with
Silver
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 at 250 and
Bronze
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 near 200. Sweden's
Silver
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 and
Bronze
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bars
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 are near 150 and
Gold
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 is around 100. Australia's
Gold
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bar
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 is around 250,
Silver
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 near 150, and
Bronze
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 close to 200. Hungary's
Gold
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bar
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 is close to 400,
Silver
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 near 250, and
Bronze
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 past 200. East Germany has
Gold
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 and
Silver
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bars
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 just past 400 and
Bronze
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 at 250. Japan's
Gold
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 is just over 200,
Silver
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around
Add a missing verb
is around
show examples
 100, and
Bronze
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over
Add a missing verb
is over
show examples
 50. China's all three
bars
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 are close to the starting point, with
Gold
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,
Silver
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, and
Bronze
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 around 50 each.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bar, gold, silver, bronze, bars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reaches" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 8 times.
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