Some people believe that music should be taught in school, while others think it us best to focus on computer and science. What is your opinion?

#people #music #school #focus #computer #science

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It is an undeniable fact that the importance of

music

Use synonyms

is widely acknowledged. Some proponents of society believe that

music

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lessons should be provided by

highschools

Correct your spelling

high schools

show examples

while

Linking Words

others argue to concentrate more on

computer

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computers

show examples

and

Science

Use synonyms

. In

this

Linking Words

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

Change the capitalization

show examples

will analyze my views and provide examples to support them with a valid conclusion. In my opinion, In

this

Linking Words

tenchnological

Correct your spelling

technological

era, students should be taught

science

Use synonyms

and

computer

Fix the agreement mistake

computers

show examples

more because

this

Linking Words

can help them to get a wide knowledge about the

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

taking place around them.

Moreover

Linking Words

, by focusing on

science

Use synonyms

learners will get to know about

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

environmental issues and global warming.

For example

Linking Words

, In

india

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India

show examples

, a student invented

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show examples

electric bicycle only by reading

science

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books.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, the impact of

music

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cannot be neglected.

Music

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should

also

Linking Words

be considered crucial for students.

Furthermore

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, students who have

interest

Correct article usage

an interest

show examples

music

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can be able to make their career by choosing

this

Linking Words

as a profession.

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show examples

add

Replace the word

addition

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, beginners can

also

Linking Words

go for higher studies in

music

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university

Correct article usage

the university

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level and take part in reality shows.

For example

Linking Words

, an

indian

Change the capitalization

Indian

show examples

artist Diljit Dosanjh started his

music

Use synonyms

journey

from

Change preposition

show examples

school and now he is performing at

coachella

Change the capitalization

Coachella

show examples

To conclude

Linking Words

, every subject

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

their own positive aspects which cannot be denied. It is the

responsibilty

Correct your spelling

responsibility

of parents and teachers as well to let their children decide their

priority

Fix the agreement mistake

priorities

show examples

Submitted by baljeetkhehra11318 on Fri May 31 2024

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coherence cohesion

To enhance your coherence and cohesion, consider using transition words and phrases more effectively. For instance, instead of starting a new paragraph with 'On the other hand,' use a smoother transition between ideas. This can help the essay flow better.

task achievement

In terms of task achievement, ensure that your opinion is consistently clear throughout the essay. While you expressed your viewpoint, a bit more emphasis and elaboration on your stance would make your argument stronger.

task achievement

Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and typographical mistakes, such as 'i' instead of 'I,' or 'tenchnological' instead of 'technological.' These small errors can detract from the overall professionalism of your writing.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which is essential for a well-structured argument.

task achievement

You provided relevant examples to support your points, like the reference to an Indian student inventing an electric bicycle and mentioning Diljit Dosanjh's musical journey. These examples strengthen your arguments.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

227 words

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Some people believe that music should be taught in school, while others think it us best to focus on computer and science. What is your opinion?

Word Count

Some people think every human being can create artworks (e.g. painting), while others think only the people born with the ability can do that. Discuss both views and give your opinion.（2015/10/31亚太）

People believe that Generation Z (1997-2007) are more dishonest than previous generations. What is the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

Some people feel a country can't be economically progressive and environmentally friendly at the same time. Others disagree with this view. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

Nowadays, education overseas has become more accessible and growing numbers of people send their offspring to study in other countries. However, this trend has its detractors. I strongly believe that the pros far outweigh the cons, and will examine both below.

In the future all cars, buses and dricks will be driverless. The only people traveling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?