Some people believe that music should be taught in school, while others think it us best to focus on computer and science. What is your opinion?
It is an undeniable fact that the importance of
music
is widely acknowledged. Some proponents of society believe that music
lessons should be provided by highschools
, Correct your spelling
high schools
while
others argue to concentrate more on computer
and Fix the agreement mistake
computers
Science
. In this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
i
will analyze my views and provide examples to support them with a valid conclusion.
In my opinion, In Change the capitalization
I
this
tenchnological
era, students should be taught Correct your spelling
technological
science
and computer
more because Fix the agreement mistake
computers
this
can help them to get a wide knowledge about the activites
taking place around them. Correct your spelling
activities
Moreover
, by focusing on science
learners will get to know about the
environmental issues and global warming. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, In india
, a student invented Change the capitalization
India
a
electric bicycle only by reading Change the article
an
science
books.
On the other hand
, the impact of music
cannot be neglected. Music
should also
be considered crucial for students. Furthermore
, students who have interest
in Correct article usage
an interest
music
can be able to make their career by choosing this
as a profession. To
Change preposition
In
add
, beginners can Replace the word
addition
also
go for higher studies in music
at university
level and take part in reality shows. Correct article usage
the university
For example
, an indian
artist Diljit Dosanjh started his Change the capitalization
Indian
music
journey from
school and now he is performing at Change preposition
in
coachella
.
Change the capitalization
Coachella
To conclude
, every subject have
their own positive aspects which cannot be denied. It is the Change the verb form
has
responsibilty
of parents and teachers as well to let their children decide their Correct your spelling
responsibility
priority
.Fix the agreement mistake
priorities
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coherence cohesion
To enhance your coherence and cohesion, consider using transition words and phrases more effectively. For instance, instead of starting a new paragraph with 'On the other hand,' use a smoother transition between ideas. This can help the essay flow better.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, ensure that your opinion is consistently clear throughout the essay. While you expressed your viewpoint, a bit more emphasis and elaboration on your stance would make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and typographical mistakes, such as 'i' instead of 'I,' or 'tenchnological' instead of 'technological.' These small errors can detract from the overall professionalism of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which is essential for a well-structured argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, like the reference to an Indian student inventing an electric bicycle and mentioning Diljit Dosanjh's musical journey. These examples strengthen your arguments.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.