IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant exampes from your own knowledge or experience.

#businesses #emphasise #products #development #exampes
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There is a new trend among
companies
 to distinguish their goods by pointing out
it’s
Replace the word
its
show examples
 uniqueness in the commercials. They do it to establish their brand identity, though it can be confusing for the consumers sometimes.
However
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 firmly believe that
this
 is
benifitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for the buyers. There are various reasons that compel a corporation to do
this
 practice. Primarily, the market is very
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
 and
this
 can give them an edge. People love to use newer and better
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
, by saying their product is new, businesses try to act on that urge.
For instance
, Microsoft
anounced
Correct your spelling
announced
 that Windows 10 would be the
last
 version of their operating system and
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 only provide updates to it in future. Yet, when they experienced
it’s
Replace the word
its
show examples
 market share drop, they
launced
Correct your spelling
launched
 Windows 11.
This
Correct determiner usage
The
show examples
benifit
Correct your spelling
benefit
benefits
 of
this
 culture goes to mainly the users. As these
companies
 try their best to be
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
true to their words, they spend a lot of money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 research and development to be
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
.
As a result
, people get a lot of
uptions
Correct your spelling
options
,
as well as
 better better products when they go shopping. The chips market is the perfect example of that. Brands try to find unique
taste
Fix the agreement mistake
tastes
show examples
 to serve the palate of the customers,
this
led
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 to the
productions
Fix the agreement mistake
production
show examples
 of
hundrades
Correct your spelling
hundreds
 of flavours.
Conversely
,
this
 can create misunderstanding among buyers. We typically compare goods from different businesses before
doing
Verb problem
making
show examples
 a purchase decision. Different type of naming and branding of similar
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 makes it difficult.
For example
, Intel and AMD used to name their processors in a way that customers could
could
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
compare them properly before buying.
However
, now both
companies
 changed their naming, which has made
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
 tougher.
To conclude
,
this
 exercise of emphasising that their product has something new by corporations can make buying
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 difficult. But
this
 was,
companies
 can differentiate their products, which make the customers the ultimate
benefitiary
Correct your spelling
beneficiary
.
Submitted by mostakahmedfaysal on

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coherence
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors to improve overall clarity and coherence. For example, correct 'benifit' to 'benefit', 'competetive' to 'competitive', and 'uption' to 'option'.
coherence
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs. Linking phrases or transitional sentences can help bridge ideas more smoothly and maintain the coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples where possible. This can help to better illustrate the points being made and solidify your argument.
task achievement
Work on varying sentence structures and using more advanced sentence constructions to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
The essay appropriately addresses the task, discussing both the reasons businesses emphasize the newness of their products and the potential positive and negative impacts of this trend.
coherence and cohesion
Good introduction and conclusion that provide a clear framework for the essay and summarize the main points effectively.
task achievement
Examples provided, such as the Microsoft Windows versions and the chips market, are relevant and help to elucidate the points being made.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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