IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that modern technology is having a negative impact on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #technology #impact #relationships
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Whether digital communication can adversely impact human relationships or boost the experience we have with each other has become a controversial topic.
This
 writer contends that modern modes of communication may boost one’s relationships with their surroundings. It is vital to understand that the most typical communication technology is the mobile phone. Originally designed to aid
people
 in instant access to telecommunication, it has become an inseparable aspect for most communities in the modern era.
As a result
, various features
such
 as built-in cameras and interactive games have been added to the mobile phone, making it multifunctional and
thus
 even more popular.
However
, the majority of
people
 still believe that modernized communications do more harm than good. They argued that If
people
use
 mobile
phones
 for work purposes, business calls may disrupt any real-life conversations they have.
This
 is the case for millions of working
people
 who may have overlooked the importance of having smooth and uninterrupted conversations with other
people
.
This
 point has credibility but some
people
use
 mobile
phones
 mainly for virtual social networks, and notifications and messages from these sites may extend the relationships in which they have. It has been recorded that
people
 who work far from home
use
 mobile
phones
 to interact with their family and
this
 makes them happier every day as they get to be close to their loved ones despite living very far away. In conclusion,most
people
use
 mobile
phones
 for
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
personal
as well as
 professional reasons.
Thus
, mobile
phones
 may prove their real value in having positive impacts on human interactions.

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task achievement
Your essay should present a more balanced view by considering both positive and negative impacts of technology on social relationships. This will demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay would benefit from more specific examples and evidence to support the main points. For instance, adding statistics or studies related to the impact of mobile phones on social relationships can strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point and that all sentences within the paragraph cohesively support that point. This will enhance the overall logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to improve the cohesiveness of the essay. Using transitional phrases can help guide the reader through your arguments seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and states your position effectively, providing a good foundation for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes your main points and restates your position, which effectively closes the essay.
task achievement
You have acknowledged both sides of the argument, which is an important aspect of discussing an IELTS essay topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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