IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Topic: Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationship. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#topic #people #communication #technology #effect #relationship
The majority of
people
 believe that up-to-date
devices
 make social relationships unimportant.
This
 writer concurs that bad influences of
technology
 are caused by humans, not
devices
.
Moreover
,
technology
 raises a higher level of human awareness.
Initially
,
technology
 had a crucial impact on the development of civilizations.
Technology
 is used to communicate between
people
 around the world.
Additionally
, it is
also
 a supporter which is taken benefits for education and research. The more modern the
technology
 is, the higher levels of knowledge
people
 can reach.
For example
, in the COVID-19 pandemic,
technology
 and smart
devices
 are the most essential things for communicating and noticing.
Therefore
,
social
Add an article
the social
a social
show examples
 relationship is mostly made on social platforms. It is vital to understand that the
technology
 is not bad, it’s just used for a wrong purpose by humans. If
people
 can use
devices
 suitably,
technology
 can have a huge positive impact on
people
’s health and other relevant factors.
For instance
, many rich families allow their children to use smart
devices
 at an early age but in a suitable way. They make a schedule that their children can follow and
this
 kind of education makes their children both reach modernist
technology
 and not to addicted to
devices
. Because of all the above reasons,
technology
 is not a harmful method.
Thus
, it can be seen that social relationships are
also
 one of the advantages which
technology
 contains.
People
 should improve the
technology
 so it can develop to be the best supporter for humans in many gorgeous projects.

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task achievement
Your essay introduces the topic and states your position effectively. However, make sure that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument with precise examples and detailed explanations to improve the overall clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph links smoothly to the next. You can enhance coherence by using more transitional phrases and carefully structuring your points.
task achievement
Expand on your main points with more specific examples. Instead of just mentioning the benefits of technology, give examples of how it has positively impacted individual lives or societal structures.
task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear thesis statement, and your conclusion summarizes your points well, reinforcing your argument against the negative effects of modern communication technology.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical progression, leading from the impact of technology on civilizations to its current use and benefits. This shows clear thought progression.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view, acknowledging that the misuse of technology by humans can result in negative outcomes, which adds depth to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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