IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationship. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #communication #technology #effect #relationship
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In the information age, the growth of technology spread
in
Change preposition
apply
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all
of
Change preposition
over
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 the world, leading to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 toxic alter in the way
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 interact with others.
This
Linking Words
 essay shows the writer’s opinion that totally
disagree
Correct subject-verb agreement
disagrees
show examples
 with
this
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 statement. One factor must be known that using technology applicants
such
Linking Words
 as smartphones, tablets, and laptops which connect
with
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to
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 the internet can create
social
Add an article
a social
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 net,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 helps
people
Use synonyms
chatting
Wrong verb form
chat
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 faster and more conveniently.
Moreover
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, many platforms like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram form the places for populations can post public details easily.
Therefore
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, when one individual wants to know his or her friend’s status,
this
Linking Words
 person just goes to Facebook and
read
Correct subject-verb agreement
reads
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 the post
instead
Linking Words
 of
ask
Wrong verb form
asking
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 somebody like in the past.
In contrast
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 side,
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 some
group
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groups
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 discuss that
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
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 too much on technique can make the relationship turn to virtual and residents will less notice about live interaction.
However
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, in state-of-the-art societies, when
people
Use synonyms
 must work hard and even live far from home, having a video call or chatting with family by using
telephone
Correct article usage
the telephone
show examples
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 the best solution for them,
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 the missing home case, which usually occurred
in
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apply
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five or six decades ago. In conclusion, modern societies have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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positive effects on the
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 of
people
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the convenience and high pace it brings back. Despite some risks, the network
also
Linking Words
improving
Wrong verb form
improves
show examples
 the connection in number in organizations
such
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 as family.

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structures to avoid awkward phrasing. Consistent use of complex sentences will enhance readability and coherence.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your main points. This will make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states your position on the topic, providing a clear direction for the essay.
relevant specific examples
Using platforms like Facebook and the concept of video calls as examples effectively illustrates your points about modern communication technology.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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