IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relaionships. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #communication #technology #effect #relaionships
A controversial discussion point is whether social associations are adversely influenced by digital communication methods.
This
 writer disagrees with
this
 statement
due to
immediate
Correct article usage
the immediate
show examples
 conversation and expansion of relationships that
technology
 performs. In light of the proliferation of
technology
, people tend to desire to have a talk ubiquitously.
In other words
, it is vital to understand that the enhancement of
technology
 has transcended the geographical barriers worldwide catering to capabilities to connect with others.
Therefore
, individuals not only could save their time but
also
 gain more opportunities to interact, thereby, having a stable relationship.
Consequently
, modern digital applications can improve relations among residents.
For instance
, during the COVID-19 pandemic, when communities are restricted from going outside,
therefore
, social media
such
 as Facebook or Instagram provide them with a convenient and immediate method to contact others. Another factor worth considering is the ability to expand connections widely in modern communication. Specifically, it is evident that social media
also
 enable users to globally interact with other people catering to an environment that creates and strengthens their relationships.
As a result
, if society stays in contact with friends, they will be likely to immerse in conversations which might be relaxed and entertaining.
For example
, 64% of introverted students in Japan have started to interact more with society
due to
 connections through digital platforms. Taking everything into account, everything always has two sides to it.
However
, modern communication
technology
 positively affects residents’ relations attributable to instant connection and enhances relationships.
Thus
, utilizing it in the right way will help humans, not harm them :3

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task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the topic and includes relevant real-world examples, which is excellent. However, to improve further, ensure that your conclusion fully encapsulates your main points more explicitly. Consider summarizing your main arguments more clearly to strengthen your conclusion.
coherence cohesion
In terms of structure, your essay is well-organized with effective transitions between ideas. However, the introduction could be strengthened by providing a clearer thesis statement that outlines your main arguments. This will help to guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Your examples, particularly those related to social media use during the COVID-19 pandemic and the interaction of introverted students in Japan, are very relevant and effectively support your points.
coherence cohesion
You have used appropriate transitions and linking words that help in maintaining a smooth flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported with specific details, which strengthens your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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