IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of male and female workers in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of male and female workers in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of male and female employees in two countries for three different types of
work
Use synonyms
. The general overview is that the highest percentage
among
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all data is occupied by
service
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
. In country A, it can be seen that the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 ratio, taking major part in male workers is
service
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 with 56%, followed by agriculture
work
Use synonyms
 and industry
work
Use synonyms
 with the figure being 29% and 15% respectively.
Similarly
Linking Words
, with female workers record,
service
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 is taken 49%, becoming the first place, followed by agriculture with
percentage
Add an article
a percentage
the percentage
show examples
 at 43% and industry at 8%. Moving on to country B, it is apparent that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
service
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 takes more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the proportion
both
Change preposition
of both
show examples
 male and female
labours
Correct your spelling
labourers
show examples
 with the figures 65% and 8% respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industry
work
Use synonyms
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the records with 32% in males and 11% in females.
Finally
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agricultural
work
Use synonyms
 only
occupies
Verb problem
accounts
show examples
 for 3% and 1% for male and female workers.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words work, service with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • gender employment rate
  • workforce
  • disparity
  • employment trend
  • notable difference
  • counterpart
  • demographic
  • labor market
  • sector
  • predominantly
  • employment rate
  • analysis
  • comparative study
  • statistical data
What to do next:
Look at other essays: