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At present time the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults compared with the number of old people.

#time #population #countries #adults #people
In the contemporary world, some places's population includes a large number of
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 in comparison with the number of old people. A vast majority
argues
Correct subject-verb agreement
argue
show examples
 that it is much better to have more elders,
while
 others contradict
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 idea. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 having more
teenages
Correct your spelling
teenagers
 is
greater
Correct word choice
better
show examples
 than having old ones
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because there will be
much
Correct article usage
a much
show examples
 more amount of workforce , in the meantime
Correct article usage
a
show examples
lack of ancestors can
also
 cause loose of the connection with traditions. On the one hand, a lot of kids will forget about
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 traditions that grands are keeping for
awhile
Correct your spelling
a while
show examples
. Because, now no one is
not
Rephrase
apply
show examples
interested in ancient stuff, for the reason they are out of the trend.
For example
, my mom forgot all
traditions
Correct article usage
the traditions
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
the kazakh
show examples
kazakh
Change the capitalization
Kazakh
show examples
 nation, as she
had
Verb problem
did
show examples
 not
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 grandparents .
Hence
, she is stunned and amazed
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
culture
Correct article usage
the culture
show examples
.
On the other hand
, if there
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 more
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
, there will appear a huge demand for working places, as these individuals can have a job
due to
 their ages.
For instance
, all of the people want to work and earn money, but none all of them can achieve
this
according to
 the law about the age and health of the person. In conclusion, it is effective to have more
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 as there will be more workers,
while
 having more old people can lead to
Correct article usage
the disappearing
show examples
disappearing
Replace the word
disappearance
show examples
 of the traditional bond.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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clear comprehensive ideas
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relevant specific examples
Develop your examples further and ensure they are directly relevant to the points you are making. This will help strengthen your task response.
logical structure
Work on the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that your arguments flow smoothly from one to the next and that each paragraph transitions well.
supported main points
Support your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. This will help to make your arguments stronger and more coherent.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction successfully introduces the topic and provides a clear opinion.
complete response
The essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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