IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In order to Spend a quality life, some say, people need to have more money and some say people need free time. What do you think is important. What are the other things which are required to have a quality life?

#quality #life #say #people #money #time
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In
this
Linking Words
 modern world, there is an ongoing debate about whether if
people
Use synonyms
 have enough
money
Use synonyms
, they will live in anyone's dream
life
Use synonyms
 or
having
Correct word choice
whether having
show examples
 more free
time
Use synonyms
 and less
money
Use synonyms
 is the best way to stay relaxed and peaceful. I personally believe that both views agree with my personal
perspect
Correct your spelling
perspective
 for some specific reasons.
To begin
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 with, to live in better
life
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
are desiring
Wrong verb form
desire
show examples
 to earn plenty of
money
Use synonyms
 to spend
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
on their kids' education and daily needs without any resistance. To achieve
this
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 point, they are spending
approxiametely
Correct your spelling
approximately
 ten to seventeen hours at their workplaces with little rest. For some
people
Use synonyms
, it does not support them financially, physically, and mentally.
Accordingly
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, it is causing several problems that we are facing currently namely stress, exhaustion, and strike.
For example
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, In Japan, crowds dedicate their everything even their health
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their occupation to serve their families with
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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, clothes, and others.
However
Linking Words
, it sometimes leads to
lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 family for not spending enough
time
Use synonyms
 with their family even
they
Correct word choice
if they
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 have enough
money
Use synonyms
 and their physical and mental health for the
desiration
Correct your spelling
desperation
 of having a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
money
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.
On the other hand
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, having a
lot
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 of free
time
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 and less
money
Use synonyms
 is permitted as the happiest
life
Use synonyms
 because they do not have to exchange their happiness
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
money
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
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, the best quality of
life
Use synonyms
 is having
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good health. A
lot
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 that
people
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 own does not mean they will always stay healthy because of stress and exhaustion.
Additionally
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, all
people
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 can enjoy their meaningful lives by spending their free
time
Use synonyms
 on meaningful things and
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 a
Use synonyms
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 memories to lock back in their old ages.
For example
Linking Words
, Harvard Social Studies has found out that
people
Use synonyms
 with less
money
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 happier than rich ones because they spend their lives on beautiful and meaningful things so that they are staying healthy and mentally wealthy.
To conclude
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, even though having less
money
Use synonyms
 is a bit hard, having more free
time
Use synonyms
 in their lives is always better.
Submitted by nazim200709 on

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logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph centers around a single main idea. The current paragraphs tend to mix examples and main points, which can confuse the reader.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay lacks a thorough development of ideas. Aim to expand on each point you make with more detailed explanations and examples.
relevant specific examples
Provide more relevant and varied examples to support your arguments. For instance, discussing different countries or scenarios can add depth to your essay.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.
complete response
Your essay addresses both aspects of the question, discussing both money and free time in the context of a quality life.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial resources
  • Life satisfaction
  • Mental health
  • Free time
  • Work-life balance
  • Excessive
  • Imbalances
  • Quality of life
  • Healthcare
  • Recreational activities
  • Social connections
  • Community bonds
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Sense of purpose
  • Financial stability
What to do next:
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