IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton.

The graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton.
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The line graph illustrates the proportion of England’s tourists who joined
in
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apply
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four destinations in Brighton from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
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, it can be observed that tourists who visited the
Pavillion
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as well as
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 the Pier increased
whereas
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 that of the Festival and Art Gallery saw a decrease,
moreover
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, the
Pavillion
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 was still the most visited destination,
although
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 it had a drop throughout the years. It should
additionally
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 be mentioned how
Pavillion
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 replaced Festival to be the place that was visited the most,
although
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, in the initial years, Festival was the most visited one. Regarding the 2 destinations, which had an increase in tourists, Pier and
Pavillion
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 had roughly 10% and 25% in the first year, respectively. In terms of Pier’s
visitors
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, it fluctuated until 2000,
then
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 rose gradually to exceed Art Gallery at around 20%
at the end
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 of the period.
Likewise
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,
Pavillion
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’s
visitors
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 rose slightly from 25% to 28% between 1980 and 1985,
then
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 it grew dramatically until 1995, reaching a peak at nearly 45% by that time, where it
then
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 had a decrease from 1995 to 2010, ending with approximately 30%. Turning towards the places whose
visitors
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 saw a decrease. In 1980, the Festival had the highest number of
visitors
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 of the four attractions in Brighton at nearly 30%,
however
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, it
then
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 dropped steadily to nearly 27% by 2010. Meanwhile, the Art Gallery’s travellers rose dramatically from 1985 to 1995, reaching nearly 21%. In 1995, it continued going down considerably until 2010,
then
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 ending with less than 10% making it the least visited destination
in
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of
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 the four.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words pavillion, visitors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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