Some people think that it is better for kids to learn with online educational materials, while others believe kids should learn with hard copy/printed educational materials. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In the contemporary epoch, there is an ongoing debate on whether kids can self-study
on
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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printed exercise materials or whether they have a chance to work on platforms and
devices
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to explore more. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay, I will explain
the
Remove the article
apply

It is unlikely that your sentence needs the article the before both. Consider deleting the article.

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both views as I personally agree with them.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with, learning through online courses
has
Verb problem
gives

There may be a verb use issue here.

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a lot of chances to dive into any subject easily by clicking only
button
Correct pronoun usage
one button

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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in
few
Correct article usage
a few

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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seconds so that children can find
these information
Change the determiner
this information

It appears that the plural demonstrative these is modifying the singular noun information. Consider using a singular demonstrative or a plural noun instead.

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easily without any
distraction
Fix the agreement mistake
distractions

It seems that distraction may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it has equal sides.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, spending too much time on
devices
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

may cause an addiction and alteration to the behaviours. Addicting to
devices
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in
Change preposition
at

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
Correct article usage
an

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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early age of life undeniably
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes

It seems that the verb cause does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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some difficulties to the developing brains and it will have a majority of negative effects on their future.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, my 4-year-old cousin can count
one
Change preposition
from one

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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to twenty fluently in English because he has watched tons of videos
from
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube

The word Youtube doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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in English and learned from them.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, he
has
Verb problem
is

There may be a verb use issue here.

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addicted to phone and
stucks
Correct your spelling
sticks

If you don’t want stucks to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

to it every single time even though he is still young. I personally believe that learning through
devices
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

will have equal pros and cons.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, working on printed materials personally will develop both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides

The singular countable noun side follows the quantifier both, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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of
brain
Add an article
the brain

The noun phrase brain seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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and learn as much as possible by drawing and highlighting
on
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
them so that they will distinguish every single
information
Correct quantifier usage
piece of information

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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by the colors or underlines. As I mentioned above, everything has two sides. Overconsumption of paper will lead
manufacture
Replace the word
manufacturing

The word manufacture doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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workers to cut down more trees and damage natural areas of the earth.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, to production of paper we are daily using is all made from trees. To serve us with these papers, manufacturers cutting down millions of trees per year
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

that
Correct pronoun usage
which

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
is leading to several problems namely climate change, air pollution and more.
To sum up
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, working on paper and using
devices
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to dive more into it
are
Change the verb form
is

The verb are does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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effective,
they
Correct word choice
but they

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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always cause problems
to
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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creatures.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph addresses a single idea clearly to enhance comprehension.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the introduction by clearly stating your position and what the essay will cover.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more variety in transitional words and phrases to further improve the flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
Make sure to develop each point with sufficient and relevant examples.
Task Achievement
Clarify your conclusion by summarizing the main points and restating your position effectively.
General
Work on avoiding repetition and enhancing vocabulary to express ideas more precisely.
Task Achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, adding structure to the essay.
Task Achievement
Use of personal examples makes the argument more relatable and concrete.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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