There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Research has shown that academic success is the centre of the young world.

Thus

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students

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are forced to focus on

subjects

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which are part of their future studies, like physics and maths, if they want to have a perfect future career.

Nevertheless

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besides

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these

subjects

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, there are

also

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others, non-academic, that consist a part of their school schedule. Many people believe that schools must remove those lessons because in

this

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way

children

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will concentrate more easily

Change preposition

show examples

their academic future. Obviously, I am opposed to that idea for a lot of reasons. To start with, there are those who support that removing

subjects

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, like physical education, from schools will be beneficial for

students

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For instance

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, if

this

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occurs,

children

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will have more time to occupy with academic

subjects

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. Of course, we cannot dispute

this

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because it is a logical thought but we can have a lot of doubts about the results of

this

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Finally

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, will it be helpful or harmful for

children

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On the other hand

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, lots of humans are of the opinion that a school schedule should involve different types of education. Those believe that

students

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will be more efficient in their academic

subjects

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if they have time to do

subjects

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with different themes.

For example

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, a stop from reading maths

for learning

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to learn

show examples

cookery will help

students

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to relax and to get ready for

further

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studying.

This

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is a good reason for rejecting the initiative of removing non-academic

subjects

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from school.

To conclude

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, in my opinion, it would be good for

children

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to have some lessons

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show examples

different

subjects

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from them which

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

their goal.

Except

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Except for

show examples

the fact that those will be helpful for them as general knowledge, they

also

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will keep them relaxed and calm. We must think twice before setting an idea like that at schools.

sssssrafFri May 31 2024

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suggestion

The response should provide more detailed, specific examples to support the main points. This will strengthen the arguments and make them more persuasive.

suggestion

Improve the clarity and comprehensive nature of ideas by elaborating on key points. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develops it fully.

suggestion

Consider rephrasing certain sentences to avoid awkward phrasing and enhance readability. For example, 'lots of humans are of the opinion' can be simplified to 'many people believe.'

highlights

Your introduction sets a clear context and expresses your position on the topic effectively. It gives the reader a good understanding of what will follow.

highlights

The conclusion is well-articulated and summarizes the main points in a clear and concise manner, reinforcing your stance on the issue.

highlights

You've made a good attempt to present both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

299 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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