There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Research has shown that academic success is the centre of the young world.
Thus
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,
students
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are forced to focus on
subjects
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which are part of their future studies, like physics and maths, if they want to have a perfect future career.
Nevertheless
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,
besides
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these
subjects
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, there are
also
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others, non-academic, that consist a part of their school schedule. Many people believe that schools must remove those lessons because in
this
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way
children
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will concentrate more easily
in
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on
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their academic future. Obviously, I am opposed to that idea for a lot of reasons. To start with, there are those who support that removing
subjects
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, like physical education, from schools will be beneficial for
students
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.
For instance
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, if
this
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occurs,
children
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will have more time to occupy with academic
subjects
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. Of course, we cannot dispute
this
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because it is a logical thought but we can have a lot of doubts about the results of
this
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.
Finally
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, will it be helpful or harmful for
children
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?
On the other hand
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, lots of humans are of the opinion that a school schedule should involve different types of education. Those believe that
students
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will be more efficient in their academic
subjects
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if they have time to do
subjects
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with different themes.
For example
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, a stop from reading maths
for learning
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to learn
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cookery will help
students
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to relax and to get ready for
further
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studying.
This
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is a good reason for rejecting the initiative of removing non-academic
subjects
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from school.
To conclude
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, in my opinion, it would be good for
children
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to have some lessons
of
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in
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different
subjects
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from them which
are
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is
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their goal.
Except
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Except for
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the fact that those will be helpful for them as general knowledge, they
also
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will keep them relaxed and calm. We must think twice before setting an idea like that at schools.
Submitted by sssssraf on

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suggestion
The response should provide more detailed, specific examples to support the main points. This will strengthen the arguments and make them more persuasive.
suggestion
Improve the clarity and comprehensive nature of ideas by elaborating on key points. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develops it fully.
suggestion
Consider rephrasing certain sentences to avoid awkward phrasing and enhance readability. For example, 'lots of humans are of the opinion' can be simplified to 'many people believe.'
highlights
Your introduction sets a clear context and expresses your position on the topic effectively. It gives the reader a good understanding of what will follow.
highlights
The conclusion is well-articulated and summarizes the main points in a clear and concise manner, reinforcing your stance on the issue.
highlights
You've made a good attempt to present both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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