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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows numbers of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows numbers of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#numbers #adults #sports #area #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graph displays the number of young
people
Use synonyms
 who played seven different types of games between 1997 and 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the highest number of
adults
Use synonyms
 practised gentle walking throughout the given
period
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest were in basketball at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
 and cricket
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
. In 1997, half of the young
people
Use synonyms
 prefer gentle walking.
Adults
Use synonyms
 who participated in jogging, aerobics, football, and hiking were at the same rate around 30%.
However
Linking Words
, the third most sport to play was cricket at about 28%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, less than 10% of youth took part in basketball games. Gentle walking stayed the most favorable sport among
adults
Use synonyms
, in 2017, at around 55%.
And about
Correct word choice
About
show examples
 50 per cent of young
people
Use synonyms
 played hiking and football in 2017,
while
Linking Words
 jogging and aerobic sports were around 35%.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to the number of
adults
Use synonyms
 who played basketball at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
, almost 25% of young
people
Use synonyms
 played it in 2017, which was 15% higher. The lowest rate in 2017 was for cricket less than 10%.
Submitted by nidaa_hamed on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, adults, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • adult demographic
  • comparison
  • percent change
  • significant increase/decrease
  • trend analysis
  • sports popularity
  • ranking changes
  • general patterns
  • social factors
  • 20-year period
  • time span
  • major sports
  • data interpretation
  • highlight features
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