The chart below shows the percentage of the day working adults spent doing different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008 (Steve no copyright)

The chart below shows the percentage of the day working adults spent doing different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008 (Steve no copyright)
The two pie charts depict the proportions of
time
adults in a specific country allocated to various
activities
in 1958 and 2008. The units are expressed as percentages. In summary, adults dedicated the majority of their day to sleeping and working in both years,
whereas
other
activities
were significantly less
time
-consuming. Notably, the allocation of
time
to work-related
activities
was higher in 2008 compared to 1958,
while
the duration spent on other tasks generally increased. Examining sleeping and working
first,
these two
activities
predominated the daily schedules. In 1958, the proportion of
time
allocated to sleeping was approximately 32%, marginally less than the 33% devoted to working. By 2008, the
time
dedicated to working had significantly increased to 42%,
whereas
the
time
spent sleeping declined to 25%. Turning to the remaining four
activities
, which occupied smaller segments of the day, the percentage of
time
spent socializing outside the home in 1958 was 19%, more than three times the 6% in 2008.
Conversely
, the
time
devoted to relaxing at home rose from 8% in 1958 to 13% in 2008. The proportion of
time
spent commuting to work escalated from 2% in 1958 to 8% in 2008.
Finally
, the category of 'other chores' remained constant at 6% in both years.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, activities with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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