In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problem as a result of eating to much fast food. It is neccesary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree
It is often contended that governments should impose a higher tax on fast
food
as it is increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
a
number of people Change the article
the
are
suffering from health problems. From my perspective, I wholeheartedly agree with Unnecessary verb
apply
this
assertion, and the following examples will be provided to support my point of view.
One of the foremost reasons is that junk food
fosters an abundance of unhealthy nutrition since people in the host country will have a chance to gain exposure to a myriad of toxins in their bodies, which is disadvantageous when they enter into the body. For instance
, according to
the latest study conducted by students from Bangkok University, it revealed that it becomes easier for 70% of office worker
to get fat when they have prior experience interacting with convenience Fix the agreement mistake
workers
food
. This
demonstrates that fast food
plays a pivotal role in addressing this
phenomenon, thereby ultimately unbefitting the nation.
Another reason is that the cost of fast food
is really low which brings with them a plethora of profit in financial. This
is attributed to the indisputable fact that the main ingredients mostly come from sugar and flour. To illustrate this
, in recent news, it has been revealed that all the junk food
companies make a lot of money every year by selling low-cost products. As a result
, if there are gains in profit, they should pay more taxes which leads to a balancing of the economy.
In conclusion, it is undoubtedly true to say that an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result
of eating too much fast food
. It is necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this
kind of food
because junk food
fosters an abundance of unhealthy nutrition and the cost of fast food
is really low which brings with them a plethora of profit in financial.Submitted by chuangyaem on
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task achievement
Try to provide more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your points. The current examples are slightly generalized and could benefit from more detailed information.
coherence cohesion
Ensure varied sentence structures to maintain reader interest and demonstrate language proficiency. Some ideas could be expressed more succinctly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You present clear and comprehensive ideas addressing the prompt. Your argument is well-structured and follows a logical flow.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite