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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that true friendships are becoming less common in today's fast-paced world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons and examples to support your opinion.

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Introduction
It is a norm that nowadays a number of individuals claim that the love in fellowship might be lower-rate through time.
On the contrary
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, societies said that the same-age individuals' relationship holds the same compared to
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
.
However
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, In my opinion, I tend to agree that the lasting of friend emotions are reduced
subsequently
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 to hours.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, there is a plethora of justifications to justify why true friendship is becoming less common nowadays.
First,
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according to
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 researchers, it is true that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
up-to-date technology assists us to handle work and communication with far direction.
However
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, it unintentionally creates a significant space between people, struggling with the lack of facing campaigns and emotions when called by phone.
For example
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, a student who does not want to attend various colleges,
deciding
Wrong verb form
decides
show examples
 to stay at home and spend time, who will be entertained with state-of-the-art applications and games.
Body paragraph 2
Additionally
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,
on the other hand
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, the fellowship in the modern era seems to be more ordinary and common at present.
Therefore
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, by enjoying and attending with inhabitants through the internet, more
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
same-age students'
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 can be promoted, which can be appeared by chatting
consequently
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 to outside, helping a long-lasting emotions
Furthermore
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, the importance of facilities in countries, making students and citizens need to participate more in knowledge and experiences, which assists to improve first-rate friend relations.
For example
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,
due to
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 the
high-rate
Correct your spelling
high rate
show examples
 of theories, undergraduates seem to participate in first-quality classes, tending to increase the meeting with scholars.
Besides
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, the appearance
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a sum of events will contribute to
improve
Change the verb form
improving
show examples
 relationships
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
 undergraduates.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 emotional facilities between humans can be cut down at present, I believe that
this
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 may stop and be promoted in
this
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 modern era.

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Task Response
While the essay touches on key points about modern technology and friendships, it lacks depth in supporting arguments. Consider providing more specific examples and explaining how modern technology impacts friendships to strengthen your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly develops a single main idea. Currently, there are some mixed points within single paragraphs which can confuse the reader. Aim to use clear topic sentences and ensure that each subsequent sentence contributes to developing that topic.
Language Accuracy and Range
The essay contains some awkward phrasing and grammatical errors which impede clarity. It is advisable to review grammar rules, and perhaps work with a native speaker or teacher to polish your expressions.
Task Response
You have clearly stated your viewpoint on the topic, which is essential for a strong essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction sets the stage for the essay quite well by showcasing the debate about friendships in the modern world.
Task Response
There are several interesting points made regarding technology and its impact on relationships, indicating a good understanding of the topic.
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