IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Children find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. what are the reasons?how can we solve this problem?

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Nowadays, there is an
increasingly
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increasing
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 phenomenon where students think that they are hard to focus on their courses at
school
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. In
this
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 essay, I will argue several reasons to explain why
this
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 problem occurs and recommend solutions. The first one that comes to my mind is that the knowledge taught is
bored
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boring
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comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 with
contents
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content
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 online.
This
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 is mainly because
children
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 may have absorbed
those information
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that information
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 before
classes
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.
For example
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, if there is a class for
children
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 regarding
to
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apply
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flowers, they will search images online about plants so that they will acknowledge it already.
As a result
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, they ignore lessons at
school
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.
Additionally
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, the outdated teaching facilities in classrooms make courses more boring.
For instance
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, printed materials
which
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apply
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have limited
contents
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content
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,
while
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 students are used to well-illustrated
contents
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content
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, new entertainment methods distract them.
This
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 is mainly because they
are
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apply
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lack
of
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apply
show examples
self-decipline
Correct your spelling
self-discipline
, resulting in
they
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them
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are
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being
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 addicted to entertaining materials.
For example
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,
children
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’s concentration may be deprived
due to
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 video games and short films As for what we could do to deal with
this
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 issue,
firstly
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, teachers should improve their method of
classes
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, with more sophisticated information. If they could make some films to appeal to
children
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 with
humor
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humour
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,
classes
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can
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could
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 be interesting enough to lure students.
In addition
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, parents should take pupils’ smart devices
such
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 as
smart phones
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smartphones
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 away from them before they
sent
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send
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 them to
school
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. In conclusion,
children
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’s preference
of
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for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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new knowledge is the main cause of
this
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 problem. Not only does the lack of updated teaching facilities cause
this
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 problem, but
also
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 distraction from new entertainment does. In my opinion, teachers and parents should take the
responsibilities
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responsibility
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 to
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
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 their
children
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 from
distracted
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being distracted
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 from
classes
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 at
school
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.

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task achievement
Expand on and provide more examples to fully support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and help illustrate your points better.
task achievement
Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, phrases like 'knowledge taught is bored' should be corrected to 'knowledge taught is boring'.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases effectively to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Clearly separate different points in your arguments to avoid confusion. For example, discussing teaching methods and external distractions in separate paragraphs can make your point clearer.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and well-structured, effectively framing the essay.
task achievement
You have addressed several relevant reasons and suggested logical solutions to the problem.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Attention span
  • Cognitive function
  • Digital devices
  • Screen time
  • Physical activity
  • Concentration
  • Nutrition
  • Processed foods
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Mental health
  • Academic performance
  • Classroom environment
  • Teaching assistants
What to do next:
Look at other essays: