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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

SOME PEOPLE THINK TECHNOLOGY DEVEOPMENT DECRESES CRIME, WHILE OTHERS BELIEVE IT ACTUALLY ENCOURAGES CRIMES. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OIPINION.

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Although
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 the
crime
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rate
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 is claimed to have declined owing to the technological enhancements in some parts of society, others assume the opposite notion. The reasons behind
this
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 tendency are the applications of modernized devices have assisted the investigation, contrastingly, the lax
security
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 on some social platforms is the hole for most criminals.
This
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 writer believes that thanks to the latest techniques, seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
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hidden details during investigation overshadows
the
Correct article usage
apply
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weak cyber
security
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. It is vital to understand that there is a wide range of technological inventions used in the military
coupled with
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 criminal inquiry. To explain
further
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, CCTV systems
along with
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 facial recognition have been utilized in many nations as tools for locating suspects, solving crimes, and ensuring public safety.
As a consequence
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, these devices share work with police forces
as well as
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 tighten the local areas’
security
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 so as to have
an immediate responses
Correct the article-noun agreement
an immediate response
immediate responses
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 in emergencies.
Therefore
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, the technologies have massive impacts on supervising and determining unusual activities which result in the diminishing of
crime
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.
However
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, the opponents are inclined to weak cyber
security
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 continually happening on various platforms because of technology developments. To gain
further
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 insights, as living in a digital era, people become addicted to posting personal lives
along with
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 having unreliable relationships online.
Consequently
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, these actions give the opportunities for cybercrime
so as
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apply
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to steal personal information which have access to victim’s bank accounts or even accommodations.
Thus
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, modern applications are used as a contributory factor for the
crime
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rate
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 growth. From the writer’s perspective, the
crime
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rate
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 has decreased significantly because of the advancements in surveillance technologies. To put it simply, with the involvement of modern devices, investigators easily identify many mysterious details including footprints, strange objects video, and image analysis for the police to detect complex accidents and
crime
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 scenes.
To sum up
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 briefly,
while
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 some people blame technologies for increasing the
crime
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rate
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 because of unrestricted cyber
security
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, the utilization of these gadgets has simplified the investigation progress among police
as well as
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 assured the residents’ safety
must obtain
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apply
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more consideration.

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coherence cohesion
Try to make your main points clearer and more distinct by structuring each paragraph around a single idea. This will improve the coherence of your essay and make your arguments easier to follow.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. This will enhance the credibility and depth of your essay.
task achievement
Clarify some ideas by rephrasing and simplifying complex sentences. Clearer sentences will make your points more comprehensible and convincing.
task achievement
Your essay covers both views and provides your opinion clearly, addressing the task effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize your key points.
coherence cohesion
You've made good use of transitional phrases to connect your ideas, which helps the overall flow of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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