Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There has been a debate whether
adolesence
Correct your spelling
adolescence
or adult
life
could be considered as the most memorable
time
of a person's
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
. I think both views are relevant depending on each
individuals'
Change noun form
individual's
show examples
experiences, but for me, when I
looked
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
back to my teenage years, I think it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
the most
valueable
Correct your spelling
valuable
time
of my
life
. Teenage
life
could be considered as a 'stress-free' phase of
life
for some individuals because we can say that our responsibility is just to us and our future without really
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
to worry about the impact
for
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on
show examples
anyone else.
In addition
to that, as an early adult, we just have one task to finish which is to finish our studies, and finishing our studies is not really relevant to other people's
life
around us.
However
, as an
adult
Add a comma
adult,
show examples
we
also
do have profound benefits
such
as not having any strict rules about
life
that we once had in schools. There is no one that could steer our
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
, and
consequently
, we can make
ur
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
life
as customisable as we
possible
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possibly
show examples
can. I personally see my teenage
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
as one of the happiest
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
of my
life
because I did not have
much
Rephrase
as much
show examples
responsibility as I am now in my 'working' era.
Moreover
, in
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
early stage of
age
Add a comma
age,
show examples
I
tend
Wrong verb form
tended
show examples
to just think
what
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about what
show examples
I am going to do
for
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apply
show examples
tomorrow and the possible influence
for
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on
show examples
my
life
in a few years and whether there is any influence
for
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on
show examples
others. The example that I could give regarding
this
matter is when I pictured teenage
life
, I could not see
me
Correct pronoun usage
myself
show examples
worrying about what my exams could do to people around me when I cannot do it perfectly,
on the other hand
, I just worry that I will not pass the bottom band. In conclusion, my point of view on what stage of
life
that is
the greatest
time
of my
life
would be in my
adolesence
Correct your spelling
adolescence
adolescent
life
, I could worry less about what people might think or be influenced by what I do.
Subsequently
, I would just
had
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have
show examples
to worry about myself and what it would do to my
life
and the future impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
myself in the next few years.
Submitted by Selectnames on

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coherence cohesion
Work on creating a more detailed logical structure by clearly organizing your essay into paragraphs with distinct points. This will improve the readability and coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive and relatable.
task achievement
Try to develop and elaborate on your ideas more comprehensively. This will help present a clearer and more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
The essay showcases personal experiences to support arguments, adding a personal touch to the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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