The chart shows different level of post-school qualifications in Australia

The chart shows different level of post-school qualifications in Australia
The given graph illustrates the comparison of after-graduate qualifications in Australia and the percentages of
males
and
females
who held them in 1999.
Overall
, from the graph,
it is clear that
the
data
for male Skilled Vocational
Diploma
hit the highest point.
Besides
, except for the Bachelor's Degree and the Undergraduate
Diploma
, the percentages of
males
were higher than
females
. In terms of
data
for the Skilled Vocational
Diploma
, there was a big difference
ups
Replace the word
up
show examples
to 80% between the number of
males
with 90% and
females
with 10%. Regarding the figure for the Undergraduate
Diploma
, the amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
females
was 70%, twice as much as that of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
with 35%.
While
the
data
of
males
for Bachelor's Degree was 45%, the figure of
females
was 5% higher. Compared to the number of
females
, the
data
of
males
was higher than
females
in the Postgraduate
Diploma
with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
is 70% and 30%.
Finally
, the Masters Degree was held by more
males
than
females
.
While
there was only 40% for
females
and 60% for the rest.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words males, females, data, diploma with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!