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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that playing computer games is bad for children in every aspect. Others say that playing computer games can have positive effects on the way children develop. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #computer #games #children #aspect #effects
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In the contemporary era of globalization, the entertainment sector has witnessed a significant transformation involving advancements. A wide array of individuals believe that playing
games
 on the computer is an inferior habit for offspring. Others are convinced that playing computer
games
 will have beneficial effects on children's development. In
this
 context, both statements will be elucidated. On the one hand, computer
games
 can disrupt pupils from studying. They are not mentally grown yet.
Therefore
, they will escape from school to play video
games
, and
as a result
, their grades will be dropped.
Moreover
, it can have a mental effect. The students will suffer from mental behaviours
such
 as loss of self-confidence and introversion.
According to
 a study conducted by Manchester University, it highlighted that a large proportion of children who spend more than eight hours daily playing Playstation were diagnosed with autism.
On the other hand
, pioneering
games
 can have a pivotal role in enhancing our youngsters' minds. They can be innovative and creative by playing
games
 related to puzzles and brainstorming.
In addition
, it can be considered as an incentive to reward them if they study well. In his book,
Games
 and Studying, Wayne Rooney said that youngsters are more motivated if we bounce them after they finish their assignments. In conclusion, there will be a debate on
this
 topic. I concur with the idea that video
games
 have a superior effect. Parents should keep their children's lives their childhood. They should be aware of what they are playing and share with them their entertainment.
Submitted by mohannadsme on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical progression by clearly linking ideas from one paragraph to the next. Using transitional phrases like 'furthermore,' 'in addition to,' and 'however' can aid in this.
task achievement
Delve more deeply into the specific effects of computer games on children. Consider providing more detailed examples or studies to support each viewpoint.
task achievement
Some points could be more clearly explained to ensure complete comprehension by the reader. Try elaborating on why certain impacts on children occur, rather than just stating them.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion and providing a comprehensive response to the prompt.
task achievement
Main points are supported with relevant examples and references to studies, enhancing the argument's credibility.
task achievement
The essay successfully presents and discusses both viewpoints, offering a balanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Addiction
  • Academic performance
  • Social interactions
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Obesity
  • Desensitize
  • Cognitive development
  • Problem-solving
  • Hand-eye coordination
  • Multiplayer games
  • Social interaction
  • Teamwork
  • Moderation
  • Proper guidance
  • Monitor
  • Time limits
  • Balanced approach
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