IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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Snacks and drinks available in
supermarket
Fix the agreement mistake
supermarkets
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contains
Change the verb form
contain
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 high
concentration
Fix the agreement mistake
concentrations
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 of
sugar
Use synonyms
. Consumption of these foods can
cuase
Correct your spelling
cause
 serious
health
Use synonyms
 issues like type 2 diabetes. I firmly agree
to
Change preposition
with
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 the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 these products should be sold
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 high
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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 in order to discourage
general
Correct article usage
the general
show examples
 public
to avoid
Change preposition
from avoiding
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
I
Correct your spelling
In
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developed
Correct article usage
a developed
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 country,
obesecity
Correct your spelling
obesity
 has
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 a
health
Use synonyms
crises
Correct the article-noun agreement
crisis
show examples
. Consuming high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 is the primary reason for that. Medical
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as type 2 diabetes
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more prevalent than before.
For example
Linking Words
, in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 NHS study, it is said that around 20% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
diabetic patients are suffering from type 2 diabetes, which is
record
Correct article usage
a record
show examples
 high.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, people who
consumes
Change the verb form
consume
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 in frequent
interval
Fix the agreement mistake
intervals
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 has
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 dental caries index. They suffer from dental pain and discomfort more often,
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and as
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 a result, they avoid eating certain foods. It opens up the door
of
Change preposition
to
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 many other
health
Use synonyms
condition
Change to a plural noun
conditions
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such
Linking Words
 as malnutrition.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
American
Correct article usage
the American
show examples
 Endodontic Society, people who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 all
tooth
Fix the agreement mistake
teeth
show examples
 present are generally more healthy. There are other effects of consuming
carbohydrate rich
Add a hyphen
carbohydrate-rich
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 foods. Many visits to hospitals and dentists are costly, adding up to huge medical
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
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. Not everyone can afford
this
Linking Words
, resulting in living a compromised unhealthy life.
This
Linking Words
affect
Change the verb form
affects
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 our mental
health
Use synonyms
, leading to many
psycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 disorders
such
Linking Words
 as depression. In conclusion, companies tend to put a high level of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in their food and drinks.
This
Linking Words
 brings about a plethora of medical conditions as stated above. I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the way to avoid
Linking Words
this phenomena
Change the determiner
this phenomenon
these phenomena
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by
Add a missing verb
is by
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 increasing the price of these products.
This
Linking Words
 way we can contain
this
Linking Words
 pandemic.

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Grammar
Work on avoiding minor grammatical errors such as 'I developed country' should be 'In developed countries' and 'obesecity' should be 'obesity'.
Linking Words
Enhance the coherence by better linking ideas within paragraphs. Use more transition words to clearly show relationships between ideas.
Examples
Make sure to support each point with more relevant, detailed examples. You could provide more specific evidence or statistics to strengthen your arguments.
Task Response
You have successfully identified and elaborated on multiple reasons why sugary products should be made more expensive, which addresses the essay prompt effectively.
Structure
Your essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Support
You have used specific examples and studies, making your argument more credible.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
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