Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Snacks and drinks available in
supermarket
Fix the agreement mistake
supermarkets
contains
high Change the verb form
contain
concentration
of Fix the agreement mistake
concentrations
sugar
. Consumption of these foods can cuase
serious Correct your spelling
cause
health
issues like type 2 diabetes. I firmly agree to
the fact thatChange preposition
with
,
these products should be sold Remove the comma
apply
in
high Change preposition
at
price
in order to discourage Fix the agreement mistake
prices
general
public Correct article usage
the general
to avoid
Change preposition
from avoiding
it
.
Correct pronoun usage
them
I
Correct your spelling
In
developed
country, Correct article usage
a developed
obesecity
has Correct your spelling
obesity
became
a Change the verb form
become
health
crises
. Consuming high Correct the article-noun agreement
crisis
level
of Fix the agreement mistake
levels
sugar
is the primary reason for that. Medical condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
such
as type 2 diabetes is
more prevalent than before. Correct subject-verb agreement
are
For example
, in a
NHS study, it is said that around 20% of Change the article
an
the
diabetic patients are suffering from type 2 diabetes, which is Correct article usage
apply
record
high.
Correct article usage
a record
In addition
to that, people who consumes
Change the verb form
consume
sugar
in frequent interval
has Fix the agreement mistake
intervals
high
dental caries index. They suffer from dental pain and discomfort more often, Correct article usage
a high
as
a result, they avoid eating certain foods. It opens up the door Correct word choice
and as
of
many other Change preposition
to
health
condition
Change to a plural noun
conditions
such
as malnutrition. For instance
, according to
American
Endodontic Society, people who Correct article usage
the American
has
all Change the verb form
have
tooth
present are generally more healthy.
There are other effects of consuming Fix the agreement mistake
teeth
carbohydrate rich
foods. Many visits to hospitals and dentists are costly, adding up to huge medical Add a hyphen
carbohydrate-rich
bill
. Not everyone can afford Fix the agreement mistake
bills
this
, resulting in living a compromised unhealthy life. This
affect
our mental Change the verb form
affects
health
, leading to many psycological
disorders Correct your spelling
psychological
such
as depression.
In conclusion, companies tend to put a high level of sugar
in their food and drinks. This
brings about a plethora of medical conditions as stated above. I think,
the way to avoid Remove the comma
apply
this phenomena
Change the determiner
this phenomenon
these phenomena
by
increasing the price of these products. Add a missing verb
is by
This
way we can contain this
pandemic.Submitted by mostakahmedfaysal on
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Grammar
Work on avoiding minor grammatical errors such as 'I developed country' should be 'In developed countries' and 'obesecity' should be 'obesity'.
Linking Words
Enhance the coherence by better linking ideas within paragraphs. Use more transition words to clearly show relationships between ideas.
Examples
Make sure to support each point with more relevant, detailed examples. You could provide more specific evidence or statistics to strengthen your arguments.
Task Response
You have successfully identified and elaborated on multiple reasons why sugary products should be made more expensive, which addresses the essay prompt effectively.
Structure
Your essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Support
You have used specific examples and studies, making your argument more credible.