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Band 5.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?

#future #people #holiday #country #travel
It is believed that in the coming
times
Add a comma
times,
show examples
 an increasing number of tourists will prefer vacationing in their own nation rather than visiting foreign countries. I completely agree with
this
 statement and more about
this
 will be discussed in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, if we talk about
country
Add an article
a country
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 like India, it has an abundance of geographical and cultural diversity which is yet to be explored by numerous individuals.
For example
, in terms of geographical diversity, we have numerous mountains, rivers, deserts and plateaus yet to be visited.
Also
, in terms of cultural diversity, we have different arts, races, food,
religion
Fix the agreement mistake
religions
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, festivals and rituals to be cherished.
Hence
 travellers decide to explore their own
country
 first.
Secondly
,
a
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apply
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rising inflation has made a dent in
budget
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the budget
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 of many families. The rising cost
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 international travel tickets, food and lodging are the primary causes behind one not
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 to international destinations.
Additionally
, numerous tourists are patriotic to their own
country
. They follow the theory of nation first and prefer travelling in their
mother land
Correct your spelling
motherland
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 so that the money spent can be utilized by the citizens of their own
country
.
For example
, a recent survey conducted by a renowned organisation showed that many travellers give first priority to their homeland as they love it and
also
, it gives them a sense of giving back to their society.
Furthermore
, another factor that hinders one from travelling abroad is
weather
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the weather
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. The harsh weather condition in many nations is a big concern for many individuals. These individuals prefer travelling in a comfortable climate because they suffer from various health ailments. In conclusion, in light of the aforementioned
arguments
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arguments,
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 I strongly agree that in the times ahead a growing number of tourists will favour touring their homeland rather than voyaging
in
Change preposition
to
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 a foreign land.
Submitted by niravfb1987 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument. However, to improve coherence, try to link ideas more fluidly between paragraphs.
task achievement
While you provided a complete response to the prompt, ensure that each point is fully expanded upon with detailed explanations. For instance, mentioning specific examples of India's geographical and cultural diversity can make the argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents your stance on the topic, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments.
task achievement
You provided specific examples related to geographical and cultural diversity in India, which is excellent for supporting your points.
task achievement
Arguments about rising inflation and patriotism are well made and relevant to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • domestic tourism
  • international travel
  • cultural exchange
  • national pride
  • affordability
  • convenience
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • local businesses
  • comfort zone
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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