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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this ia unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

#people #children #time #families #ia #arguments #side #support
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The question of how children should spend their free
time
 is a topic of considerable debate.
While
 some argue that children should have all their free
time
 with their families, others believe that it is unnecessary or even harmful.
Both
 perspectives have their merits and drawbacks.
This
 essay will explore the arguments on
both
 sides and present my personal stance on the issue. First off, advocates for toddlers staying with their families in their free
time
 often argue the need
fo
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 family bonding and stability in the baby's life.
For instance
, a kid staying around his loved ones more has a better chance
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 developing
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 relationships with them.
Additionally
, In my experience, my nephews and nieces are very close to us because their parents made sure they
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 quality
time
 with their close relatives.
Hence
,
this
 leads many to keep their little ones by them all the
time
.
In contrast
, those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 argue for more freedom often highlight the importance of their independence and socialisation at a young age.
For instance
, from a very young
age
Add a comma
age,
show examples
 if adolescents are not
let
Verb problem
allowed
show examples
 to have relationships with peers their own age, they will lack social skills and develop social anxiety
while
 growing up. To add to that, taking away all their free
time
 and forcing them
stay
Add the particle
to stay
show examples
 with their families tends to take away from their personal freedom and independence, limiting their ability to make decisions for themselves.
Therefore
, it is believed by many that keeping children too close to the family can have a negative impact on their proper growth. In my opinion, it is crucial to strike a balance between
both
. Keeping
both
 in mind, family and outwardly relationships, the youth should be encouraged to have a healthy balanced bond between
both
.
Submitted by James on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score, ensure you include a variety of linking words and phrases. Also, make sure your ideas flow naturally from one to the next, developing each point clearly before moving on.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, consider presenting more detailed arguments and examples for each side. Also, ensure all points are fully elaborated to support your conclusions more robustly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is clear with a proper introduction and conclusion, which helps in guiding the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Your personal opinion is clearly stated, which is an important component of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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