An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people are choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative trend?
According to
this
issue , number
of Change the article
the number
people
that
prefer to have cosmetic Correct pronoun usage
who
surgery
has increased. We evaluate this
topic has positive effects or negative effects.
Correct word choice
whether this
To begin
with , technology has improved and it is clear that
people
access
to social media to watch every Add a missing verb
have access
changes
that Change to a singular noun
change
happened
. Wrong verb form
happens
On the other hand
, almost most people
desire to
more Change preposition
apply
beauties
. and changes in their faces. Fix the agreement mistake
beauty
However
, these changes are suitable sometimes. Although
a majority of people
like to surgery
, a few Add a missing verb
have surgery
people
don’t like to do and they prefer to have a natural face.
I for one , am interested in natural faces. In my opinion
everyone's face is Add a comma
opinion,
beauty
Replace the word
beautiful
enogh
.Correct your spelling
enough
moreover
, tastes
of Correct article usage
the tastes
people
are different. Therefore
,we must not change ourselves due to
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
opinion
.
Obviously , cosmetic Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
surgery
has an expecionally
bad Correct your spelling
especially
exceptionally
affect
on teenagers owing to their emotions. Because they are in sensitive ages Replace the word
effect
that
they can not control their feeling.
Correct word choice
apply
Nevertheless
, cosmetic surgery
can be useful sometimes. For example
, it has direct
impact on confidence. In some situations as Add an article
a direct
accident
, it may hurt Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
to
Change preposition
apply
people
and cosmetic surgery
can help to get better.
In conclusion , cosmetic
issue has both positive affect and negative affect. Add an article
the cosmetic
Hence
, everyone should evaluate differ
aspects of cosmetic Replace the word
different
surgery
.Submitted by rastaebrahimifar on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer structure. Ensure each paragraph has a distinct main idea and flows logically from one to the next. This will improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly defined. A strong introduction should outline the topic and state your main argument, while the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your opinion.
task achievement
You need to provide more detailed examples and explanations to clearly support your main points. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
task achievement
Your ideas are sometimes clear but could benefit from more elaborate explanations and reasoning. Make sure each point is comprehensive and easy to understand.
task achievement
You have made an attempt to discuss both the positive and negative aspects of cosmetic surgery, which shows a balanced viewpoint.
task achievement
You have identified some relevant examples, such as the impact on teenagers and those who have suffered accidents, which gives context to your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.