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Band 4.5

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, However, argue that the curcumstances of an individual crime. an the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #punishment #type #crime #curcumstances #motivation #account
Many
people
are believing
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that there are be
fixed
Correct article usage
a fixed
show examples
pinalty
Correct your spelling
penalty
 for
classification
Correct article usage
the classification
show examples
 of
crime
. Another
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
society
Add an article
the society
show examples
 argued that it
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on the condition
Change preposition
of a
show examples
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
person who has a
crime
 .
Then
 what causes them to do, it would be determination on the
punihsment
Correct your spelling
punishment
.
This
 essay
wiil
Correct your spelling
will
 discuss both views. On the one hand,
drug
dealer
Fix the agreement mistake
dealers
show examples
and
Correct word choice
who
show examples
 do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violation
Fix the agreement mistake
violations
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
must get bigger
punishment
Fix the agreement mistake
punishments
show examples
 than
others
due to
 they have
coordinator
Fix the agreement mistake
coordinators
show examples
 who can control the activity for distribution
many
Change preposition
of many
show examples
 narcoba every area and they get big sallary for the occupation. so if the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
not
Change the verb form
does not
did not
show examples
 give
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 penalty
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
that will be
danger
Replace the word
dangerous
show examples
 because most
society
Change preposition
of society
show examples
 will follow the work.
Consequently
,
drug
Add an article
a drug
show examples
dealer
Fix the agreement mistake
dealers
show examples
 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increase
every
Change preposition
in every
show examples
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
 and it will be effect danger for
society
 to consume the
drug
.
Additionally
,
terrorism
Replace the word
terrorists
show examples
 must get big
punishment
 since they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
think what they do is right but it
is kill
Wrong verb form
kills
show examples
 many
people
, so a
crime
 should get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
severe
punishment
.
On the other hand
, theft and robbery are a offense low
pinalty
 because the
crime
not
Add a missing verb
does not
show examples
the
Add a missing verb
have the
show examples
 biggest
impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
society
,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
show examples
people
 are stealing chicken and
handphone
Fix the agreement mistake
handphones
show examples
where
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they get to
punish
Wrong verb form
be punished
show examples
prison
Change preposition
in prison
show examples
 maybe
justh
Correct your spelling
in
tree
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 month. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 they will be
compensation
Replace the word
compensated
show examples
 for a
crime
 they
do
Verb problem
committed
show examples
.
As a result
,
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 get obtain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less than
drug
dealer
Fix the agreement mistake
dealers
show examples
 and
terrorism
Replace the word
terrorists
show examples
. In my opinion, I totally agree if the
punishment
drug
dealer
Fix the agreement mistake
dealers
show examples
 and
terrorisme
Correct your spelling
terrorists
 get severe
punisment
Correct your spelling
punishment
 since they do
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
impact
Change preposition
on others
show examples
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
people
 if they
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 get the
pinalty
Correct your spelling
punishment
,
others
 lowest
punisment
Correct your spelling
punishment
 is robbery and theft because
that is
 not
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other
people
.
To sum up
., most
people
 get huge
punishment
Fix the agreement mistake
punishments
show examples
 because the
violation
Fix the agreement mistake
violations
show examples
 who do that have
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
impact
other
Change preposition
on other
show examples
people
. Another
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the lowest
pinalty
Correct your spelling
penalty
 because the
crime
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not big
impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other
people
. The recommendation gives
punishment
 that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on
the
Correct pronoun usage
what the
show examples
people
 do.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and discusses both views, but there are several grammar and vocabulary errors that make it difficult to understand in places. Focus on improving your grammar and sentence structure to make your ideas clearer.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay needs improvement. Try to organize your essay using clear paragraphs for each main point and ensure there is a logical flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more effective. The introduction should clearly present the topic and outline the main points of your essay, while the conclusion should summarize the key points and restate your opinion.
task achievement
You made a clear attempt to respond to both parts of the question, discussing both fixed punishment and circumstance-based punishment.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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