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Band 5.5

Some people suggest that bringing up children by the whole family including uncles, aunts, and grandparents is better, rather than only by parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #uncles #aunts #grandparents #parents
The role of
parents
 in a
child
's upbringing is a topic of much debate. Some believe that
parents
 should be the primary caregivers,
while
 others favour a different approach. I lean towards the former perspective. Consistency and stability are widely recognized as fundamental principles in nurturing
children
, especially when applied by their
parents
. The prevailing view is that by assuming a well-defined role and closely observing their offspring,
parents
 can effectively convey the importance of responsibility to their
children
.
For instance
, when a
child
 demonstrates the ability to provide a clear account of their actions, they tend to pay close attention to the consequences of their behaviour.
Furthermore
, these experts believe that granting
children
 autonomy and independence is crucial for their development. By allowing
children
 to make their own choices and be accountable for their actions,
parents
 can foster a sense of self-sufficiency and confidence in their kids. In my opinion, one of the most critical elements for engaging
parents
 in their
children
's lives is cultivating a strong sense of belonging and deep parent-
child
 bonds. When
parents
 actively participate in their
child
's everyday activities and growth, they can establish profound, nurturing connections. These connections
then
 serve as a vital source of support, especially during challenging times.
Moreover
, the presence of financially supportive
parents
 is essential for
children
. Parental financial backing enables
children
 to devote their time and energy to improving their education and developing valuable skills.
Conversely
,
children
 without involved or financially capable
parents
 often lack the ability to fully focus on their studies and personal growth, as they must divert their attention to meeting basic needs.
On the other hand
, some argue that exposure to extended family provides
children
 with diverse views and perspectives, fostering their creativity and problem-solving abilities.
However
, I reject
this
 notion.
While
such
 exposure may offer different insights, it can
also
 easily confuse the upbringing patterns
children
 have learned from their
parents
.
This
 can lead
children
 to disregard the guidance and values imparted by their
parents
, which I believe is detrimental to the
child
's development. In conclusion,
children
 who grow up with direct parental involvement and support tend to be stronger than those raised primarily in extended family settings.
Submitted by homa.nazrmian56 on

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task response
Try to further elaborate on your points with more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking your paragraphs more smoothly to enhance the overall flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good framework for your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the question.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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