IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government should apply tax on unhealthy food to inspire people to eat healthy food which is beneficial for their health. Do you agree or disagree

#government #tax #food #people #health
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nowadays, several
people
consume
Verb problem
apply
show examples
prefer
Add the particle
prefer to
show examples
 eat
junkfood
Correct your spelling
junk food
 rather than
eat
Verb problem
apply
show examples
healthy food that all has positive
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 and negative impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
body
Add an article
the body
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, the government
give apply
Wrong verb form
applies
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 tax
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 food. Those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 argue in favour of these
taxes
 can point to a logical chain of suppositions. Though
taxes
 on unhealthy foods are rare, there is the occasional mandated price hike for sugary drinks and fast food, smoking is an instructive corollary. Several decades after research showed that smoking causes cancer, governments were able to push through legislation to tax cigarettes heavily. The result was that those already addicted to smoking continued to smoke but many
people
 did not pick up the habit
to begin
 with. Proponents argue
this
 would
also
 be the case when it comes to foods known to cause cardiovascular disease, diabetes and cancer. Many would eat them despite higher prices but the next generation would become more health conscious and that would
further
 trickle down to their children. Though the above argument is well reasoned,
people
 will still buy luxuries. There is strong evidence for
this
 dating back centuries. After the war of independence from Britain, the newly formed United States instituted direly needed
taxes
 on luxuries including whiskey and chocolate. The purpose of the
taxes
 was to raise money, not to lower
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of those products. The unpopular acts were internally vindicated when
people
 continued to buy luxuries along the same growth trend, enabling them to increase the national budget. Even though cutting down on purely pleasurable products makes disinterested sense,
people
 are more swayed by instant gratification than cold calculation. In conclusion,
taxes
 on unhealthy foods would not be an effective measure against their consumption.
Instead
, governments should invest more in healthy school lunches and
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 healthy products more widely available to attack the problem at its root source.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the question and presents clear arguments, it can be improved by ensuring grammatical accuracy, especially in the introductory paragraph. Consider revising the introduction to make it more polished and error-free.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. There are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother with better use of transitional phrases. Also, clarify some points for better understanding. For example, explain how higher prices directly affect the consumption of unhealthy foods in a more detailed manner.
task achievement
The essay concludes effectively by summarizing the main arguments and suggesting a clear alternative solution. This provides a strong ending and ensures that the reader understands the writer's stance and proposed solution.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, including an introduction, body paragraphs that present arguments from both sides, and a conclusion. This clear structure helps the reader to follow the argument more easily.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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