IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by fast food. This has a negative impact on families, individuals and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #foods #food #impact #families #individuals #societies
"Fast
food
 is popular because it is convenient, it is cheap, and it tastes good. But the real cost of eating fast
food
 never appears on the menu"
.-said
Correct your spelling
said
 Eric Schlosser. Naturally, today junk
food
 is becoming
daily
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the daily
show examples
 consumption of ordinary people. From my point of view, it has not only
negative
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a negative
show examples
 effect on
persons
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people
show examples
 but on both our families and community. To start with, consuming extensive
amount
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amounts
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 of junk
food
 in place of conventional ones has an adverse impact on public health.
Due to
 the fact that those who eat a great deal of convenience
food
 are more likely to
expose
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be exposed
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obesity
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to obesity
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 in light of
composing
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composed
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 of high calories. It is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 fact that a plethora of American people are eager to consume processed
food
, which now makes them suffer from a certain
types
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type
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of
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illness.
Furthermore
, fast
food
 is currently considered to be far and away the most commonplace in many states, which is causing
to
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apply
show examples
the extinction of traditional cuisines in our society. Not only does it affect
community
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the community
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 significantly, but
also
 families could be the main point. Inasmuch as
,
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apply
show examples
 it leads traditional values to be forgotten.
On the other hand
, it is generally accepted that junk
food
 is confidently said to be less pricey as compared to conventional ones.
Not to mention
 that the one is exceptionally
favorable
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favourable
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 for individuals
as well as
 for those who are educated in High School. Owing to the fact that, by purchasing those types of
food
, ones save both their money and time. All things considered, in a number of areas, traditional foods are believed to be superseded by instant foods which adversely impact
on
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apply
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persons, families and even
community
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communities
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. From my perspective, we should reduce consuming fast
foods
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food
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as
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to as
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 low a level as possible. By doing so, we may keep our health in balance.
Submitted by a_zamjonov99 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents several relevant points, but they could be better organized. Clearer topic sentences at the start of each paragraph and more logical progression of ideas will improve the structure.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, but the body paragraphs need stronger connections, and transitions between points could be smoother. Consider using more linking phrases and words.
task achievement
You have addressed the task prompt adequately; however, some arguments need to be expanded upon with more specific examples. This will strengthen your response and make it more convincing.
task achievement
Some ideas in the essay are somewhat general and could benefit from further elaboration. Try to provide clearer explanations and more comprehensive details to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion, while concise, do frame the discussion well and are clearly connected to the main topic.
task achievement
The essay covers both aspects of the prompt, discussing the impact of fast food on individuals, families, and society.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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